Posts Tagged: life

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9
Mar 10

I hope I can

Over the last few weeks I have really been asking myself if it was reasonable to go to Africa this summer or not. I tried to make it out last summer, but I couldn’t. This summer, I want to go, but I already feel the financial pressure of being able to raise the money to get out there. It would be so much easier for my schedule and wallet to look into other options. I know that there is a lot of work that could be done here to help a lot of organizations out, but my heart is constantly reminding me of smiles on young faces in the places that I have been before. I feel like God has so much for me to do for those children that I feel sad when I cannot be with them, taking care of them, playing soccer with them, comforting them in the storms, or telling them that they are worth more than what the world whispers to them in the darkest nights.

I asked if it was possible to have a backup plan. A harness, a net, a chute. Something to fall back on if I couldn’t make it back. Honestly, I don’t want one. I would love to hope without doubt. I would love for my mind to run free with plans of what I could do with the time that I would have in the land far away. I hope beyond to the impact that it would make. I think further to the type of man I want to be, to what God has for me, to what he has for the world. Does this all play in? Does this moment, this field experience, this research question have an impact? Would I miss something if I were to stay and find something else?

I want to go. I want it to be possible. It might not be reasonable, but it’s something that I can stand in faith for. It’s something to work towards, something to hope for. I don’t even want to ask about what would happen if it doesn’t work out because I don’t want to let myself think that this won’t happen. So I won’t. There is nothing I would rather do than to spend a month in Africa, renewing relationships with orphan care centers, investigating trends, offering myself and the gifts God has given me, and the mission that He has placed in my heart concerning the welfare of these children. What else could I do?

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25
Jan 10

I’m John Paul and I have a problem

*Written as a reflection response in my Practicum class.

During class, I actually asked myself what I was doing here. It’s a question that I ask semi-frequently because I get overwhelmed and worry about things. Usually, its fine and I can just take it one day at a time, one assignment at a time. This is different. It’s not really something that can be taken day by day. Sometimes the planning stages are the hardest because most of it is theoretical and idea-based, something that on paper looks a little odd even though it is filled with hopes and dreams. Converting these hopes and dreams into the reality that comprise the hopes and dreams is the difficult part; project that into the future and it becomes even more difficult.

I struggle with the details. I don’t think that my ideas aren’t valuable, but I lack discipline in seeing those ideas come to fruition. In true John Vicory form, I am already worrying that this may be the same. I worry that I will come up with an idea that I want to accomplish and it will go downhill from there. I won’t get the connections I need, I won’t formulate it into a thesis or ask the wrong questions, or something will fall apart mid-stride and ruin the rest… Or, it just might end up dull and ordinary instead of sparkly and amazing.

I knew where my sites were and I knew what I wanted to say as far as what I wanted to do there. But, when it comes to talking about it with people, especially in front of a group, I make it sound like I have simply thought about it a little bit, or it was still vague in my mind. I know exactly what Becker’s students are feeling because I have the same fears as they do. I am afraid to actually say something because I really don’t want to be wrong. I don’t want to be viewed as a failure or bear the brunt of people’s jokes. Not that I think people in our cohort would do that, but people “out there” in the world. I don’t want to set a goal that I can actually fail at reaching, so I set safe goals. I have done that for a while and have suffered for it. I want greatness, but afraid to do whatever it takes to get there.

I don’t want to live my life like that. When I think about it, I would rather take a stab at greatness and be brutalized in return than to look back and wish that I had taken the leap. I say that now. I hope that when it comes to this practicum and this thesis project that my daily steps would be to dream big and not let my fear get the best of me. Jeez, I feel like a need group therapy or something…

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26
Oct 08

Life without Brakes

“So what am I supposed to do again?” I asked my father for the third time. My car had been making a terrible noise for a couple of days. It is the sound of metal against metal… the kind of noise that told me there was a problem.

Before I left for YWAM, while I was still in college, my dad almost forced me to help him change the brakes of the 93’ Pontiac Transport SE (aka the spaceship or dustbuster). It was a project I figured I would never have to repeat.

A few days ago I decided that in order to get rid of this terrible screeching, I would have to change the brakes again… only this time, my dad wouldn’t be able to troubleshoot anything that could possibly go wrong. Even though he wasn’t there, I was confident that it would be a breeze. But within minutes, even before I took the first wheel off, I was talking to my dad on the phone, getting information, insight, and guidance. He walked me through each step, told me in detail about each of the parts and how they worked. We hung up and I put my hands to the limited and rusty tools I found in my uncle’s garage. Time passed, but before I knew it, I had my dad on the line again. Another problem, another piece of guidance, another word of encouragement. I did everything I was supposed to do but something still went wrong and I found myself sitting in 2 puddles of brake fluid. I changed the brake pads, but when I put the car in drive to test them out, my brake petal went straight to the floor without stopping the car.

I couldn’t understand what could have gone wrong. This minivan is part of my job, part of my connection; and it was broken. Another phone call to my father landed me with possibilities of all the problems, and worse, the expensive solutions. Frustrated and overwhelmed, I was stuck and it was getting late and starting to rain. I was supposed to be somewhere in Seattle at 9 the next morning. My only option was to replace the brake fluid and bleed the brakes; both of which I had no idea how to do. “You need to have the blakes bred” must have come out of my dad’s mouth a dozen times, but I was too frustrated to laugh – at the time.


After more coaching, a YouTube tutorial, and another trip to Schuck’s auto parts, my cousin and I got to work in the raid. We tried a DYI vacuum trick that looked (and worked) more like a bong from my early days. We ended up doing it the old fashioned way – my dad’s way. Seven and a half hours later, we took her for another spin, this time the brakes working quietly and efficiently. My father congratulated me on a job well done.

The next day, while I drove the beast of a van down the Maple Valley Highway I thought back to the previous day and came out with some insights on life and how I operate my life.



No matter how well I think I can do something of how effectively I think I can perform; no matter how confident I am, things tend to go wrong occasionally. I’m not always going to have my dad physically present to coach me on fixing cars or doing taxes. Errors are port of life, but they lead to growth. Even though I didn’t know that brakes could be bled, I learned how to do it and I had to learn fast. Mistakes have a way of forcing our heads up and our eyes open. We have the choice to face them and learn or to turn away from them in further ignorance. Problems break friendships, jobs, marriages, and projects, but they also have the ability enable us to grow as people, to learn and discover what may have been previously unknown and daunting.


I also thought of my relationship with my dad, which hasn’t always been very healthy. In the last few years it has grown and developed into a healthy relationship, but I realized that I called my dad when I needed something from him. We talk on occasion, but I must have spent 2 hours talking to him when the brakes went bad. The thing is, I could tell that he loved every minute that we spent on the phone. Not once did he say, “alright, I have to go”, or “why don’t we talk more often?” We had a connection over my problems. I knew that he had the answers, which is why I called him. Most times, I don’t call just to call, and that makes me sad.


What makes me more sad is that I do the same thing with my other Father. This is the one that created the sun and gives me life. This is the One that knew me and loved me before I was even born. Most of the time, I only talk to him when I need something, or when I have a problem. Lately, selfishly, I haven’t been calling simply to talk. When I call Him with my problems and issues, like my dad, He loves every minute of communicating with me. He loves the connection, the intimacy, if only for the moment. He hangs on every word and thinks about the conversation long after it has finished.


Love is not using someone for what it can give me, but it is the beauty of giving something away expecting nothing, and often not getting anything in return. I hope to be able to invest in my relationships with my dad, God, and those around me because I love them and value them. They are more than worth my time and energy. And with my dad and God especially, they are worth more than what I have been giving them and taking for myself. They are willing to give of themselves to me, but so often I have been unwilling to give of myself to them. It’s time for a change.

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12
Jul 08

The Essence of Unseen

Sitting in front of an empty screen is consoling; the small blinking cursor in the sea of white reminds me of my current condition and the state of my emotions. After traveling for the last 10 months experiencing a myriad of situations, worldviews, and thought processes, my mind and spirit have been on a proverbial rollercoaster. It was a ride that I thoroughly enjoyed.

Upon arriving back in the US, my expectations were sent soaring. The Not Alone Benefit made some money for the Mercy Development Home in Ethiopia, I saw some friends and family members, and then all of the sudden I was on my way back to Kona to resume studies and work on the publication from our experiences. What I didn’t anticipate was the slight depression that landed on me almost simultaneously with my plane landing in Honolulu. Depression is something that I have struggled with in the past, almost as if whenever I look behind me it is as if a shadow is always a hundred feet behind…sometimes closer, sometimes further, and sometimes I don’t even look.

Over the last few days, I think that I have been able to identify areas in my life that the depression feeds off of. I want to deeply trust God that He is who He says He is. I should know both in my head and my heart that He is good having witnessed His amazing provision and love. There is also this seemingly inherent fear of being hurt alone, as well as some psychological and emotional wounds in need of deep tissue healing. All of that culminating with the financial stresses of going through school with hardly any of the money than is required.

Maybe it is my inability to see God as my Father. In a recent talk to the body of believers out here in Kona, Andy Byrd, an amazing man of God, gave a parallel of his relationship with His son. Asher is about 4 years old and is passionate about his love for his father. He never distrusts Andy’s ability to clothe, feed, and give good gifts to him. Andy is not God, but the reliance that Asher has on his daddy is the way I want to relate with my Heavenly Father. In fact, that is the way that faith is supposed to work. With my eyes fixed on God, the waves around me are insignificant next to the power that He has. And then there is the promise that God’s power, the power that raised Christ from the dead, is living inside of me. Why do I worry? Why do I strive for control over my life when the Perfect Father, the Creator and Sustainer of the universe is alive within me? The reality of Jesus and His life is the reality that I need to be living in, not this façade, this thin, filthy veneer that I see. It about looking beyond, looking to the reality that Christ brought – the Kingdom that He ushers in – the Kingdom that He placed within.

As I have mentioned in some of my posts, I love the thought of Love. The word has lost a lot of meaning in our time and can mean anything from a red glass window in Amsterdam paid for by the hour, to the subculture of the 70’s, to the ultimate sacrifice of Jesus Christ. The love I speak about is the unending love, the love that gives expecting nothing in return, the love that costs something, unselfish. This is the type of love that God has for the world, the type of love that I have seen the world in desperation for. What I haven’t realized or taken to heart was that the passionate, unrelenting, undistracted, devastating, and unconditional love that the world is burning for is the same love that God has for me; that He has for you. He is mesmerized by one glance from my eyes; His heart blazes at one trifling word of affection from our hearts to His. I have to know that love, I need to feel it not only for the world, but for myself. Oh, to wake up to the reality of the love of Christ – the destructive love of the relentless Lion and the tender embrace of the Lamb.

The program that I am enrolled in is expensive. It is even more expensive now that we are back in the States. The team of monthly supporters helps a great deal, but as it stands, I have no way of paying for the school fees as well as the bills that I have back home as well. I have this issue of pride with asking for others to come along-side me, joining me in accomplishing the goal and finishing the program, but after praying about what God wanted me to do, I felt that I should use the blog this week to do just that. It is a sacrifice of my pride, the idea that I should be providing for myself, and what I think the blog should be… but, in obedience, I have to.

I started PhotogenX last September and I intend to finish it. These next 6 months we will be working on a publication from our travels and experiences with injustice around the world. We want it to be a catalyst of change in the world. We are willing to be used, but we need help. I need help. My fees for the school are $4,000 just for this next 3 months and at the moment I don’t have it. I am trusting God for this provision believing that He can finish what He started. The waves of financial pressure are building all around me, but He knows exactly where I am and He is with me. If you would like to stand with me, there are many ways to do so; please let me know.

Thanks for reading about my journeys and experiences. I pray that you open yourself up to the Amazing Love and Grace that comes only through a loving relationship with Jesus Christ.

In Obedience to Him,

John Paul

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12
Jul 08

Costa Rica

[Punta Leona]

My second trip to Costa Rica was much different than my first 2 years earlier. I was with the rest of the group and one of us if from Costa Rica. That immediately gives you the upper hand as far as activities and places to go. We spent the first part of the month in San Jose, taking classes on Latin America attempting to discover the worldview and thought processes of where we were staying. It was a bit of culture shock just coming from Spain and Morocco, but beautiful none-the-less. One of my favorite things on the trip is seeing the differences and similarities between cultures. It is a constant reminder that we are all human and we are all in this life together.
We had an opportunity to go to the beach for a weekend with Carla’s family. After so much traveling and running around with busy schedules, it was relaxing to just sit and take in the beauty that Costa Rica has to offer.


Deni and I had the opportunity to go to a small ministry called Casa Luz. It’s meaning in Spanish is House of Light and it was started a few years back by a Canadian couple in response to the vast need of protection for abused women. The women who are in the program either have children or are pregnant. The home offers protection, a day care program, a place for the ladies and their children to stay, and trained home-mothers for them to talk to and relate with. Casa Luz has a lot to offer Costa Rica since domestic abuse and forms of rape are prevalent among the different poorer communities. They are in the process of building even more apartments for the women, a better day care center, and a playground for the children to play freely. It was a relief to be there; there was a huge sadness, but also a response birthed in Hope.



During the outreach portion of our time in Costa Rica, I had wanted to go down to Peru, then Panama, then Cuba… but plan after plan fell through because of financial reasons; but looking back, God’s plan was better. A few of us traveled by car to the south of Costa Rica to help out with a project for the Guyami people. They are a people who were originally nomads from the northern Panama area but have now sought permanent residency in Costa Rica. Panama and Costa Rica differ tremendously due to economic and social variables. For example, Costa Rica doesn’t have an army, so the government money can be allotted instead to health care and education. Because of these reasons, the indigenous people stayed and have access to the benefits just as any other Costa Rican citizen.



The government gives free education to all children in Costa Rica including the Guyami. But the children usually come from poor families who can’t cover the extra expenses like uniforms, extra books, and Christmas presents. A grass-roots organization in San Jose, the capital, have started a link between some of the private schools in San Jose and the indigenous people. Before Christmas, an angel tree is put up in the private schools with the pictures of each of the Guyami students and the private schoolers will buy a gift for one of the students in the indigenous villages. The small group of us that went down to the Guyami did so in order to get the pictures of the students who would be getting Christmas presents from San Jose this year. Usually it is a little bit difficult to come into a place with your camera poised and ready to capture images, but when that is the stated point to why you are there, it becomes much easier in a small amount of time. What takes weeks takes just moments. It was a blessing to simply be with the children, smiling with them, stuttering what little Spanish I know, and being the object of teasing and laughing. It doesn’t get much better than that and I would love to go back someday to see them.


[An assortment of images from the Guyami people in Southern Costa Rica]

Its no wonder that Costa Rica is the top eco-tourism spot for North Americans. There is so much to see, so many trails to hike, and a lot of rice and beans to eat. There is everything from dense jungles complete with spiders, purple-heart wood, and spider monkeys to high elevation volcanoes. Even a month is not enough to spend there and see even a fraction of the beauty that Costa Rica contains.


[Some of the amazing nature of Costa Rica]

That is all for this time. I appologize that the posting is coming so late. The post-Costa Rica schedule was quite hectic and crazy.
Blessings in Christ
John Paul
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15
May 08

Love is the Stillness

Love is a word that I talk so vigilantly about, but I hardly know anything about it. I have often mentioned that Love is a Movement… To a large degree, I am wrong. It is true that love is a catalyst for change, but before love can move me, I must be loved. Not only must I be loved, but it is absolutely vital that I love God above everything else. I have felt God’s love for me in tremendous ways. I will never forget one of the most vivid times. It was in November of 2006, I was in a remote area of Hawaii and had committed my life to Christ the night before. I made the commitment out of desperation, not knowing what would happen next; I wasn’t expecting to be physically on my face in the presence of God, my heart in a vice unable to grasp or handle the perfect, undivided, and everlasting love of the Father for me. It was a moment that was branded into my mind and soul forever. Since that time, my heart has been rebroken over and over for the lost and hurting people in the world; Congolese experiencing the worst genocide ever, Ethiopian street children starving to death by the thousands, Ugandans ravaged by war and HIV, 127,000 plus residents of Myanmar gone in a matter of hours, and a Western world full of suicidal depression, adultery, and greed. The love of the Father is open to all… can this be?

My mother tells me that when I was young, I would constantly ask her, “Is that true, mom?” to no end. I have this deep desire to know that something is real, tangible, and trustworthy. But as happens so much in everyone’s lives, we experience something that takes away our childlike innocence and grows us up to some of the realities of the world, betrayal, unfaithfulness, and injustice. The same is true in my life. Sometimes the people unknowingly and unwillingly do so to us, but we are betrayed just the same. Often times we feel as if it were God Himself bringing his judgment against us.

There were a few instances in my life that particularly stand out to me. I was in high school, a young freshman punky looking kid with little direction and at the verge of going “off the edge” in terms of rebellion. There was this girl, who had a smile that would attract the attention of the entire room as if no one had known that they were existing in darkness before she walked in. Over the next three years, we got to know each other. She was the first person that I loved. She was an amazing person, full of the joy of the Lord eager to follow Him with everything she had. I wasn’t an amazing person, nor did I have the joy of the Lord, and really didn’t know Him much at all besides this light He had placed in my path… But I messed everything up and I knew it. I was the one who betrayed, who was blind, who was corrupt. For a long time, I tried to save myself in her eyes, persistently apologizing. The summer in between my two years at military school in Missouri, we sat down in our usual spot in McDonald’s under the poster of Terrell Davis, where we had spend so many afternoons over the years. She told me she would write… She left on a mission’s trip to Mexico where the Lord took her home to be with Him.

A long while later, I was attending university at Westmont; she was a sophomore at the same college. We met through a friend, started dating, and fell in love. Over the next three years, I studied hard, graduating a year early so that we could go through with our plans to get married. I asked her to marry me and we were set for a full exciting life… or so we thought. Not long after graduation, the engagement and our relationship were off. I was heartbroken, feeling betrayed not only by her, but by this far off and distant God who said that He cares about people. I questioned who I was, what on earth I was doing, and why me… Out of desperation, I applied to DTS where I encountered the personal Father and Jesus Christ for the first time.

Since then, from reading the Bible, I would pick up on verses that told me to go into the world, love each other, bind up the brokenhearted. There was something romantic about the idea of traveling, being a champion for the poor and needy, showing them that there is a God who loves them. I had skipped the part that Jesus made so perfectly clear… “You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength” (Matthew 22:37). Since I had the dream that I explained in the last blog update, I haven’t felt right. There has been something missing. Over the last week, God has been showing me that there has been so much that I have missed. The past relationships with people close to me have shaped me into someone who doesn’t trust. I project what happened in those relationships onto the people around me as well as onto God. I know in my head that He is perfect, worthy of trust, but my life, doubt, worry, and actions show that my heart is holding back from giving Him everything. His love is better than life itself, He proved in with the death of His Son, Jesus Christ, but here I am striving for His love as if it wasn’t a free gift. I think that what I have been doing for the last two years had aspects of love, but they were also a plead to God that He shouldn’t ever leave me, that perhaps He needed to keep me around for something. How wrong I was. Love is being still and letting the love of Christ empty everything that I am out, the doubt, guilt, disbelief, and worry in order to fully accept His unconditional, life-changing, freedom releasing love to me. I am only realizing that I will never be good enough to deserve His love. But He gives it to me anyway. That is Grace and when we get it, we have no other options but falling to our knees in absolute nothingness before the Perfect Creator, the Author of Salvation, the Name above all other names.

How can I love God? How can I give Him trust? How can I be emptied of selfishness and striving? I can’t. I am absolutely incapable of changing my situation. All I can do is want more of Him. He is the one that can replace this incapable heart and replace it with one able to trust Him able to rest in His perfect, everlasting love. We are all broken. We all need a transformation that supersedes anything we could ever go for ourselves.

I have preached so much about love – yet I was deceived about the best part of it, Grace. I can’t move in love until I know God’s love for me. The response from His love is to love Him – above everything else, bringing nothing to Him, receiving His Grace. His love for me and mine for Him then flows out of me uncontrollably. We crave for others to feel that kind of unconditional, absolutely incomprehensible and mysterious love.

His love is that whisper amidst the whirlwinds and earthquakes of our lives. Love from the Perfect Father is known by being still – listening to His gentle voice that shatters worry and melts fear. He knows me, knows my insufficiencies and sins, but He loves me just the same and is waiting to give up everything, all of my pride, brokenness, and striving, in order to create in me a new heart.

I had a vision of that wonderful day, when I would meet Jesus, God’s tangible love, face to face. I pictures standing in front of Him – when our eyes met for the first time and pierced my soul. The guilt of everything I had ever done piled on my heart in an instant. I couldn’t stand in His perfection. I felt as though I had died, completely ashamed in front of the One who died for my sins. Almost instantly He was lifting me up, taking all of my bur
dens once and for all in the greatest act of forgiveness that the world will ever know. He was inviting me to live with Him forever, in the place that He had been preparing. The place where every tear would be wiped away, every fear released; a place where I could never get away from the unhindered love and presence of God.
What a glorious day that will be.

In constant need for more of Him,
Jp

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11
May 08

Dreams, England, and the Mediteranean…

[Brassica napus (aka rapeseed) field near Doncaster, UK]

[Snake Pass in the Pennines]

Leaving Amsterdam was bittersweet, as I had mentioned last time. Upon leaving, I flew to the middle of the United Kingdom to spend a number of days in a town called Doncaster. My uncle has been living there for the last 6 years and it is rare that I get to spend any serious time with him. Before this, I can’t remember having so much fun and such close communion with him. When I look back on this track, it will be one of the highlights. Thanks, Uncle Forest, it was such a blessing to be there with you.

[Nesting swans on Keepmoat lake in Doncaster]


[Young Lambs in a field near Snake Pass in the Pennine Range]

Driving through the winding, slithery roads of South Yorkshire,where Doncaster is located, a flood of memories came back to me. As a Member of Parliament for this area, William Wilberforce spent much of his time in the area. We can be grateful to his obedience to God in ending the slave trade in England, which set the stage for ending legal slavery all over the world. Hudson Taylor, one of the first missionaries to China was from the region as well.

These roads were rich in history, around every turn were familiar signs and names… “That was here?” Even most of the important scientific discoveries ever were made on this land by brilliant (and sometimes not so brilliant) minds. When the Western Church was expanding, Benedictine monks came to its shores and established abbeys that were vital to the reading and translating of the Bible. The Roche Valley Abbey (monastery and cathedral) was erected from 1147 to 1149 and remained an active area of studying/worship for at least 14 monks and many others for 389 years until the King Henry VIII had problems with the Catholic Church in Rome. With the dissolution of all of the monasteries in England the Roche became unoccupied and fell victim to the looting of the treasures and even stones of the buildings. Even the largest Abbey in England, the Fountains Abbey in Ripon Valley was subject to the wrath of Henry VIII. because of his issues with divorce. He broke off from the Catholic Church and formed the Anglican Church, which is still the official church in England.

[Roche Valley Abbey near Doncaster, UK]

[Fountains Abbey near Ripon, UK]

Throughout history, especially in Europe and especially with Christianity, there have been divisions, wars, moral dilemmas, and intellectual supremacy that has kept Europe in much of a Dark Age. Many missionaries ended up coming out of England and Europe, but now in Yorkshire, less than 3% of the population considers themselves Christian? What went wrong? I think that many people used Christianity to fit their own actions instead of conforming to the image of Christ in word and deed. When the Age of Enlightenment came around, they no longer even needed to hide behind the façade of Christianity, but were now accountable to no one, neither man or God.

What happened along the way? Did science give us a reason to deny the existence of a Creator? In the academic course I am enrolled in, we must read an array of books by a myriad of authors. One of the books is called “A Short History of Nearly Everything” by a distinguished author named Bill Bryson. Throughout the book (which is lengthy and a bit difficult), everything points back to the absence of order in the universe, explaining scientific theories and their holes,but doesn’t explain possible reasons for the holes. What is evident throughout the book is that we really know very little, with gaps in conjectured (some solid) theories. However observant Bryson may be, he didn’t even allude to the possibility that there could be a Creator and Sustainer of the universe. I hold to the basic principles of naturalism and evolution, but know that it was God whom spoke it all into existence; He set everything in motion and continues to work in His creation – guiding it along. But for the majority of the scientific community, science gave a reason to question. [Maybe some day, I will dedicate a whole entry to my thoughts on creation, nature, science and evolution; this entry is for other thoughts.] To sum it up,in the minds of many, Nietzsche was right… We killed God. We have lifted ourselves up to a position of thinking that we don’t need God (which we obviously do) nor should we be accountable to Him (which is the basis for all morality).

I know that the I AM lives and I need more of Him… desperately – sometimes I just lose sight of it. The first week in Spain I had a dream; literally. My dreams seem to me as a movie in which i have the starring role. In most of them, I view myself from the outside as if I was watching but then participate emotionally and psychologically with what is happening… a little hard to explain. At the start of the dream, I was in the ‘missions field’ doing work, helping people, and feeling good about myself. The scene after that I was coming in through the front door of home. It wasn’t my physical house in Denver or anything, but it had the feeling that I had arrived at my real home… After placing my small bags down I walked around. There were a few people around, but ultimately I made it back to the dining room. As I walked in, I suddenly had to stop. There in front of me was a big table almost completely empty. At the head of the table was the Father God in physical form. I never saw His face, I just knew that it was Him. I did see his arms and hands, resting on the table on both sides of an empty, untouched plate. He had been waiting for me. I felt as though I made the most important date imaginable, but had forgotten about it because I was too caught up doing my own thing. I was instantly regretful, ashamed, and guilty that I was capable of doing such a thing. Then I woke up.
Throughout the morning, I came back to the dream, knowing that I am fully capable of doing good things for the wrong reasons. I am a selfish person. The dream made me examine my life and question my motives for doing anything at all. Do I live my life away from God, disregarding His willingness to have a relationship with me? Do I count Him out of my activities, unwilling to do what He wants me to do?
The Bible tells me that the driving force of my life should be loving God (Luke 10:27). There is nothing more important than that, and I know if from my own experience as well. There is nothing more fulfilling. Why then is it so easy to forget? I want to be in a position where I can love God above everything else, no matter what or where that puts me (even if it’s in Siberia studying lichen or in Africa working with HIV positive people). Nothing is better than my relationship with Him. He is still there, waiting to commune with me, to fellowship with me, to speak love to me. He has been there all along. One of the most beautiful things in existence is that He wants to have a relationship with all of us on an individual, unique, and intimate level.

Because He loved first
John Paul

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21
Nov 07

"Mars Hill really Rocked…" Last update from Greece!


[One of the most amazing sunsets ever, Porto Rafti, Greece]

Thank you, Dan Shannon, one of our speakers this week, for that lovely quote. As part of our teaching this week, the entire class and our speakers took a trip to Athens to spend the day around the Acropolis area, including the Areopagus (Mars Hill). A couple of us had spent some time there before, but one of our speakers, David Hamilton, gave some stellar background information on the area and the lifestyle of Athens at that time.

[First Olympic Stadium, Athens, Greece]

It was the center of the world for the arts, education, and contemporary thought. The philosophers could gather around the monumental temples in the center of the city and toss around ideas of democracy, science, and life. We read Acts 17 where Paul walks in to the center of town and makes his voice and the Gospel that it carries known. They called him an idiot and threatened him with his life (Socrates had been put to death for introducing foreign gods). Even in the face of them, he spoke to them with the authority of the Holy Spirit. It was the first time the Gospel had been shared there, and he was all by himself

[Acropolis Panorama at Night, Athens, Greece]

To gaze on these amazing buildings and to have insight into their structure and intricacies, there is no wonder that people worshiped those whom the buildings were built for. At one time in the Parthenon (the largest, most prominent temple to the goddess Athena Parthenon), there was a giant statue made of pure gold, diamonds, pearls and other precious jewels. These people held their gods in such high esteem, but why? In polytheistic cultures, people live in fear of the gods. They fashion their lives around pleasing them and bribing them with elaborate sacrifices and practices. When bad things happen, a god is mad at them so further action needs to be taken. The gods were always trying to do bad to them. As David Hamilton so eloquently put it, “Religion was a minimizing of fear not an establishment of hope.” So Paul waltzes in and challenges them by saying that there is an Unknown God, and that is a God that cares deeply about them; enough to send his Son to them to be the last sacrifice. This was revolutionary for them, a God that cared? A God of Grace?

Now, there are many lessons that I took away from not only from the teaching, but my time walking around the Acropolis.

The first is that the idolatry of the Greek culture was immensely beautiful. These buildings brought out emotion and awe, and who they stood for brought awe as well. They were still false gods, but they were, and still are attractive. Even now, there are so many things that are attractive to us, pulling us, but aren’t things of God. We start to worship materialism and set up mere humans in the places of importance in our lives. That’s just the tip of the iceberg with all of the things we place in the high places of our lives… But, just as with the buildings in the Acropolis, the things of this world will come to ruin. No matter how fast we work, or how much we maintain, they will always be temporal, no matter how great the appear. We can use the illustration for idolatry and sin in our lives; it might look great for a time, but in the end, it all turns to dust.

The philosophers must have looked at Paul like he was crazy; pointing to the vast buildings just beside them as testimony of their god’s greatness. But the God that Paul shared with them on that day in Athens is the same God that is alive and well today, dwelling in the lives of his people. He truly does last forever and it has been proven time and time again throughout the history of the world. When our hearts and lives aren’t built on the foundation of Jesus Christ, they will crumble to dust.

The second lesson was just as valuable. Like I said before, the people lived in constant fear because there was no way to please the multitude of manic, compulsory, selfish, immoral, and illusory gods. Paul submits to them that there is a God who actually cares for them and will extend perfect grace to them, not by a manner of bribery, but acceptance and revelation. So many times, even as Christians, we come with this thought of God like the Greek pagans did… If I do this for you, God, will you be satisfied; can I go to heaven? We have this mental block that he doesn’t really want the best for us; that our plans are more effective than his; that our comfort is of utmost importance. We believe the lies of the enemy that God is angry with us and will never accept us with our imperfections…

Well, I felt like this is what God was telling me earlier this week, even before going to Athens…

Then the angel showed me myself standing before the angel of the Lord. The Accuser, Satan, was there at the angel’s right hand, making accusations against me. And the Lord said to Satan, “I, the Lord, reject your accusations, Satan. Yes, the Lord, who has chosen him, rebukes you. This man is like a burning stick that has been snatched from the fire.”

My clothing was filthy as I stood there before the angel. So the angel said to the others standing there, “Take off his filthy clothes.” And turning to me said, “See, I have taken your sins, and now I am giving you these fine new clothes.” [Zechariah 3:1-4]

God is not far off, distant, and angry. He desires to take us as we stand before Him, filthy and unrefined. He cannot wait to extend his grace to us, but it does cost us something. We have to tear down the idols that we have and embrace him as the only Lord of our lives.

Last year around this time in my DTS lecture phase, I finally was able to co
me to this point. I realized that I had built my life on idols and didn’t know God. Those idols came crashing down and I found myself standing before God, afraid, but as my only hope. My clothes were black with sin, charred and filled with the smell of smoke. Satan stood there bringing accusations of all kinds which I had believed for so long. The Creator of the universe silenced him by extending his grace to me and I found myself renewed and clean; now standing before my Father.

If this is similar to your story, I would love to talk about it further. Like I said and my life testifies, God wants us to be in communion with him as His children. And, I want to challenge you all to examine your own lives and see if there are things that, although they may seem beautiful, you have built to unworthy places in you life. We can see from the story of the Greek gods, that they won’t stand a chance.

[Pillars in the Agora (Ancient Marketplace), Athens]

That’s it for now, until Turkey, may the Lord bless you and keep you

In Him

John Paul


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7
Oct 07

The Eternal Muse

Christianity is something that I don’t understand. I am not sure I even grasp the concept of God (in the Trinitarian sense, or His character), grace, love, faith, and belief in general.

A friend brought an interesting concept to me recently that I haven’t been able to get out of my head. It keeps me up at night, and has led to more questions that keep on coming. The question related to the scope of humanity and if it was possible that God has more grace than what we realize; saving those who have never heard of Jesus Christ therefore, not believing in him. When I read the token salvation scripture, John 3:16-17, I see that God sent his son to save the world, not to judge it; that believing in him, we can enter the Kingdom of God and have eternal life. This I believe, then Nicodemus asks Jesus how to enter the Kingdom, and Jesus says that he needs to be born again. Just a few pages later, Jesus tells the rich, young ruler that he must sell everything he has in order to obtain the Kingdom. Jesus even says that He is the only way to the Father. But, Abraham’s obedience to the Lord was credited to him as righteousness, which makes me believe that salvation is possible through obedience to the Lord. That maybe belief in Christ is the belief in the Messianic message; modeling our lives after his.

What if people have never, and will never hear about Jesus, or even God? Will they have a chance to ever enter the kingdom? I almost feel guilty about being born at the space and time in which I was, knowing that there is a possibility that so many will(have) die(d) never accepting Christ spending the subsequent eternity in hell.

Like the rest of Humanity, I don’t deserve eternal life because of sin, but why am I so privileged, while the majority of the people in existence will have never believed. I struggle so much with it because it doesn’t really sound like justice to me to let so many people die. It’s like the gift is free, but not an option which is open to everyone. This frightens me. It frightens me because it makes me question whether I believe his love is really unfailing. I am not talking here about the people that openly reject Christ, but those who have never heard about him. Is it just by chance that they will not enter the kingdom? What if someone were to tell them, would they believe then? I would like to think that if all the people who have never heard the message of Jesus were to hear his message at least some of them would accept him as their Savior and enter into a relationship with Him. What about those people who never hear about Jesus, but seek something outside of themselves? Luke 11 promises that those who seek will find. Do we always know what we are seeking? Will He credit that to them as righteousness? I don’t know. Will he judge them by a different standard than he does those who have actually heard about him? Maybe? SALVATION BELONGS TO HIM ALONE

I don’t know the answers. I know that His ways are so much higher than my ways, and that my finite, sinful, and unjust mind doesn’t hold a candle to the Mind of the Creator. I have this feeling that I will never know the answers, but where does that leave me? What will I use my life for now? If salvation is possible for all people where they are, what is my role in sharing the love and message of Christ? Doesn’t that make it a bit futile? I can’t bring myself to believe that. So, if that is my mission, then deep down I believe that if the people of the world never have the chance to hear about Jesus, they will go to hell. Ouch.

Then, if that is true, there is something seriously wrong with our priorities. Not only are we as the Bride of Christ responsible for all those in the world today that don’t know Christ, we are responsible for all of the people since Christ that lived and died and never heard about him. Doesn’t that do something to you? It does something to me. It blows my mind. It fires me up to tell as many people as I meet about Jesus. It makes me want to give every breath I have for that end. Am I wasting my time? No. I probably will end up wasting a lot of it, but I would hope that the Holy Spirit can use me to influence those around me, by Him living and speaking through me. Diving into the word (discovering His message), then diving into the world. To be a true servant; to hold nothing back. It really puts things in perspective for me. Are we using every breath of our lives to the extent that we could? The challenge is to everyone, and so is the call.

I think that the reason I have been struggling so much with these questions is that I need to understand the call is to me as well. What will I use my breath for? What will use yours for?

There are an estimated 2.62 Billion Unreached people in the world; 40% of the 6.56 Billion living in the world Today. (The Joshua Project / joshuaproject.net)

Let me know what you are thinking… I would like that.

Love in Christ
John Paul