Posts Tagged: journey

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11
Oct 09

love’s firm grasp

I was able to spend a significant amount of time with my parents, my sister, and her two young boys recently. On our way out of town back toward the airport to fly back to Seattle, my sister, her boys, and I stopped by the historic part of town, parallel parked, and walked around for a bit. As we got back to the car, her oldest started to walk around the street side of the car where his seat was located. I grabbed him just in time and spun him around. “I told you to wait!!! It’s dangerous out there on that side,” I told him. “I was just going to my seat!” he said, noticeably upset that he had been scolded by me… and his mother who had also told him to wait. “You may not have even made it there!”

After it was all over we started to be pals again. As we drove through the desert I started thinking about how foolishly I act without even knowing it. I am ready to go a certain way and do a certain thing without any regards for the danger around me. I am in such a rush with a single track mind, just wanting to get to my seat, to my life, to my purpose… to my future. I am spun around so quick with an, “I told you to wait!!” from my Father. I get noticeably upset, unable to comprehend the danger I would have stepped into.

After my tears dry He speaks again, “I get after you because I love you and I want the best for you.” I smile at him and know that He’s right. “For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.”

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2
Nov 08

Videos!

A few years ago, a good friend of mine, Alex Fung and I went to St. Ameria’s for the first time. We were looking for a way to get involved in the community around us in Jinja, Uganda, but what we found changed our lives. We returned many times and helped establish a way for people across the world to be involved in the lives of these children who have been orphaned due to HIV, War, Violence, and the vicious cycle of poverty.
Recently, Alex sent me some of the video footage that he was able to capture on a couple of the visits. Here is a brief history of the orphanage, a personal story from Edith, one of the directors, and a video of the Echo Children’s Choir of St. Ameria’s. It is a song that has brought me to tears.

Next is a new video from the people at These Numbers Have Faces. I helped them out a very little bit about a year ago when I was in South Africa. I was deeply impacted by meeting Ace, Anda, and Michael. The work that These Numbers is doing there is powerful and effective. They are currently sopporting 3 students from the township of Gugulethu to go to school. Check out the video and see what they are up to! Here is their website as well. www.thesenumbers.com

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14
Aug 08

The Battle Within

Conversation with some friends yielded the topic of striving – a word that isn’t used very much, but is loaded with connotations of insecurity, priorities, recognition, and success. Most of us have this intense desire, whether consciously or not, of being recognized. We thrive knowing that someone approves of us, so when we put our hands to work, we are flooded with anxiety, worry, and disappointment. Many Christians even get into ministry or different projects thinking that God may love us more if we do some amazing things for Him. The motivation of our heart moves from doing anything out of love for God and His creation to seeking approval from the people around us and even from God. This kind of mindset creates an invisible prison that prevents us from moving in the freedom of who we were created to be. When we fail, we either stop trying or attempt another goal for our redemption – feeding off of the disappointment that we have brought upon ourselves. We are immersed in this kind of behavior neglecting the true purpose that we are made to go after unhindered by expectations and limitations. We have this mindset that the end or what we have to show of our lives is the result… the end is the point. In reality, the path is where the beauty is found.

Masks have been created from my striving, projecting an image of myself that isn’t real or true. I have hardly anything together, yet I find myself making it look like I do. With my hands on this mask, I am unable to approach those around me with open hands and an open heart. The thing is – most people still have their hands on their masks as well. We all have these areas where we keep locked away afraid to show others who we really are, but it is better to keep in mind that we are all made of the same parts and experience similar circumstances. If I have learned on thing by spending over a year and a half overseas is that we are all human and deal with both suffering and joy it is what connects us all. Having this mindset helps in dealing with both the struggles and eases of life, especially when there are others around you saying, “I can see where you are and I am here for you.” It is not only refreshing, but it is the correct posture that we should have in relation to each other. It helps put an end to striving for the chartless end and enjoy the radiance of life – loving who we are – living the way we were meant to live.

Finding Peace, Joy, and Love in the journey is finding the treasure. I may not have everything together, but God does, and He is inviting me on this journey of discovery – learning, trying, failing, and recovering. It is a beautiful process. I want to encourage you to let go of your striving and open yourself up to enjoy God and enjoy those around you. Life is an amazing gift. We were created to live with and to live for each other. We don’t have to wait until we are good enough or sufficient enough… if we were to do so, we would never stop waiting.

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12
Jul 08

The Essence of Unseen

Sitting in front of an empty screen is consoling; the small blinking cursor in the sea of white reminds me of my current condition and the state of my emotions. After traveling for the last 10 months experiencing a myriad of situations, worldviews, and thought processes, my mind and spirit have been on a proverbial rollercoaster. It was a ride that I thoroughly enjoyed.

Upon arriving back in the US, my expectations were sent soaring. The Not Alone Benefit made some money for the Mercy Development Home in Ethiopia, I saw some friends and family members, and then all of the sudden I was on my way back to Kona to resume studies and work on the publication from our experiences. What I didn’t anticipate was the slight depression that landed on me almost simultaneously with my plane landing in Honolulu. Depression is something that I have struggled with in the past, almost as if whenever I look behind me it is as if a shadow is always a hundred feet behind…sometimes closer, sometimes further, and sometimes I don’t even look.

Over the last few days, I think that I have been able to identify areas in my life that the depression feeds off of. I want to deeply trust God that He is who He says He is. I should know both in my head and my heart that He is good having witnessed His amazing provision and love. There is also this seemingly inherent fear of being hurt alone, as well as some psychological and emotional wounds in need of deep tissue healing. All of that culminating with the financial stresses of going through school with hardly any of the money than is required.

Maybe it has something to do with my struggle to always see God as my Father. In a recent talk to the body of believers out here in Kona, Andy Byrd, an amazing man of God, gave a parallel of his relationship with His son. Asher is about 4 years old and is passionate about his love for his father. He never distrusts Andy’s ability to clothe, feed, and give good gifts to him. Andy is not God, but the reliance that Asher has on his daddy is the way I want to relate with my Heavenly Father. In fact, that is the way that faith is supposed to work. With my eyes fixed on God, the waves around me are insignificant next to the power that He has. And then there is the promise that God’s power, the power that raised Christ from the dead, is living inside of me. Why do I worry? Why do I strive for control over my life when the Perfect Father, the Creator and Sustainer of the universe is alive within me? The reality of Jesus and His life is the reality that I need to be living in, not this façade, this thin, filthy veneer that I see. It about looking beyond, looking to the reality that Christ brought – the Kingdom that He ushers in – the Kingdom that He placed within.

As I have mentioned in some of my posts, I love the thought of Love. The word has lost a lot of meaning in our time and can mean anything from a red glass window in Amsterdam paid for by the hour, to the subculture of the 70’s, to the ultimate sacrifice of Jesus Christ. The love I speak about is the unending love, the love that gives expecting nothing in return, the love that costs something, unselfish. This is the type of love that God has for the world, the type of love that I have seen the world in desperation for. What I haven’t realized or taken to heart was that the passionate, unrelenting, undistracted, devastating, and unconditional love that the world is burning for is the same love that God has for me; that He has for you. He is mesmerized by one glance from my eyes; His heart blazes at one trifling word of affection from our hearts to His. I have to know that love, I need to feel it not only for the world, but for myself. Oh, to wake up to the reality of the love of Christ – the destructive love of the relentless Lion and the tender embrace of the Lamb.


The program that I am enrolled in is expensive. It is even more expensive now that we are back in the States. The team of monthly supporters helps a great deal, but as it stands, I have no way of paying for the school fees as well as the bills that I have back home as well. I have this issue of pride with asking for others to come along-side me, joining me in accomplishing the goal and finishing the program, but after praying about what God wanted me to do, I felt that I should use the blog this week to do just that. It is a sacrifice of my pride, the idea that I should be providing for myself, and what I think the blog should be… but, in obedience, I have to.

I started PhotogenX last September and I intend to finish it. These next 6 months we will be working on a publication from our travels and experiences with injustice around the world. We want it to be a catalyst of change in the world. We are willing to be used, but we need help. I need help. My fees for the school are $4,000 just for this next 3 months and at the moment I don’t have it. I am trusting God for this provision believing that He can finish what He started. The waves of financial pressure are building all around me, but He knows exactly where I am and He is with me. If you would like to stand with me, there are many ways to do so; please let me know.

Thanks for reading about my journeys and experiences. I pray that you open yourself up to the Amazing Love and Grace that comes only through a loving relationship with Jesus Christ.

In Obedience to Him,

John Paul

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15
May 08

Love is the Stillness

Love is a word that I talk so vigilantly about, but I hardly know anything about it. I have often mentioned that Love is a Movement… To a large degree, I am wrong. It is true that love is a catalyst for change, but before love can move me, I must be loved. Not only must I be loved, but it is absolutely vital that I love God above everything else. I have felt God’s love for me in tremendous ways. I will never forget one of the most vivid times. It was in November of 2006, I was in a remote area of Hawaii and had committed my life to Christ the night before. I made the commitment out of desperation, not knowing what would happen next; I wasn’t expecting to be physically on my face in the presence of God, my heart in a vice unable to grasp or handle the perfect, undivided, and everlasting love of the Father for me. It was a moment that was branded into my mind and soul forever. Since that time, my heart has been rebroken over and over for the lost and hurting people in the world; Congolese experiencing the worst genocide ever, Ethiopian street children starving to death by the thousands, Ugandans ravaged by war and HIV, 127,000 plus residents of Myanmar gone in a matter of hours, and a Western world full of suicidal depression, adultery, and greed. The love of the Father is open to all… can this be?

My mother tells me that when I was young, I would constantly ask her, “Is that true, mom?” to no end. I have this deep desire to know that something is real, tangible, and trustworthy. But as happens so much in everyone’s lives, we experience something that takes away our childlike innocence and grows us up to some of the realities of the world, betrayal, unfaithfulness, and injustice. The same is true in my life. Sometimes the people unknowingly and unwillingly do so to us, but we are betrayed just the same. Often times we feel as if it were God Himself bringing his judgment against us.

There were a few instances in my life that particularly stand out to me. I was in high school, a young freshman punky looking kid with little direction and at the verge of going “off the edge” in terms of rebellion. There was this girl, who had a smile that would attract the attention of the entire room as if no one had known that they were existing in darkness before she walked in. Over the next three years, we got to know each other. She was the first person that I loved. She was an amazing person, full of the joy of the Lord eager to follow Him with everything she had. I wasn’t an amazing person, nor did I have the joy of the Lord, and really didn’t know Him much at all besides this light He had placed in my path… But I messed everything up and I knew it. I was the one who betrayed, who was blind, who was corrupt. For a long time, I tried to save myself in her eyes, persistently apologizing. The summer in between my two years at military school in Missouri, we sat down in our usual spot in McDonald’s under the poster of Terrell Davis, where we had spend so many afternoons over the years. She told me she would write… She left on a mission’s trip to Mexico where the Lord took her home to be with Him.

A long while later, I was attending university at Westmont; she was a sophomore at the same college. We met through a friend, started dating, and fell in love. Over the next three years, I studied hard, graduating a year early so that we could go through with our plans to get married. I asked her to marry me and we were set for a full exciting life… or so we thought. Not long after graduation, the engagement and our relationship were off. I was heartbroken, feeling betrayed not only by her, but by this far off and distant God who said that He cares about people. I questioned who I was, what on earth I was doing, and why me… Out of desperation, I applied to DTS where I encountered the personal Father and Jesus Christ for the first time.

Since then, from reading the Bible, I would pick up on verses that told me to go into the world, love each other, bind up the brokenhearted. There was something romantic about the idea of traveling, being a champion for the poor and needy, showing them that there is a God who loves them. I had skipped the part that Jesus made so perfectly clear… “You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength” (Matthew 22:37). Since I had the dream that I explained in the last blog update, I haven’t felt right. There has been something missing. Over the last week, God has been showing me that there has been so much that I have missed. The past relationships with people close to me have shaped me into someone who doesn’t trust. I project what happened in those relationships onto the people around me as well as onto God. I know in my head that He is perfect, worthy of trust, but my life, doubt, worry, and actions show that my heart is holding back from giving Him everything. His love is better than life itself, He proved in with the death of His Son, Jesus Christ, but here I am striving for His love as if it wasn’t a free gift. I think that what I have been doing for the last two years had aspects of love, but they were also a plead to God that He shouldn’t ever leave me, that perhaps He needed to keep me around for something. How wrong I was. Love is being still and letting the love of Christ empty everything that I am out, the doubt, guilt, disbelief, and worry in order to fully accept His unconditional, life-changing, freedom releasing love to me. I am only realizing that I will never be good enough to deserve His love. But He gives it to me anyway. That is Grace and when we get it, we have no other options but falling to our knees in absolute nothingness before the Perfect Creator, the Author of Salvation, the Name above all other names.

How can I love God? How can I give Him trust? How can I be emptied of selfishness and striving? I can’t. I am absolutely incapable of changing my situation. All I can do is want more of Him. He is the one that can replace this incapable heart and replace it with one able to trust Him able to rest in His perfect, everlasting love. We are all broken. We all need a transformation that supersedes anything we could ever go for ourselves.

I have preached so much about love – yet I was deceived about the best part of it, Grace. I can’t move in love until I know God’s love for me. The response from His love is to love Him – above everything else, bringing nothing to Him, receiving His Grace. His love for me and mine for Him then flows out of me uncontrollably. We crave for others to feel that kind of unconditional, absolutely incomprehensible and mysterious love.

His love is that whisper amidst the whirlwinds and earthquakes of our lives. Love from the Perfect Father is known by being still – listening to His gentle voice that shatters worry and melts fear. He knows me, knows my insufficiencies and sins, but He loves me just the same and is waiting to give up everything, all of my pride, brokenness, and striving, in order to create in me a new heart.

I had a vision of that wonderful day, when I would meet Jesus, God’s tangible love, face to face. I pictures standing in front of Him – when our eyes met for the first time and pierced my soul. The guilt of everything I had ever done piled on my heart in an instant. I couldn’t stand in His perfection. I felt as though I had died, completely ashamed in front of the One who died for my sins. Almost instantly He was lifting me up, taking all of my bur
dens once and for all in the greatest act of forgiveness that the world will ever know. He was inviting me to live with Him forever, in the place that He had been preparing. The place where every tear would be wiped away, every fear released; a place where I could never get away from the unhindered love and presence of God.
What a glorious day that will be.

In constant need for more of Him,
Jp

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21
Nov 07

"Mars Hill really Rocked…" Last update from Greece!


[One of the most amazing sunsets ever, Porto Rafti, Greece]

Thank you, Dan Shannon, one of our speakers this week, for that lovely quote. As part of our teaching this week, the entire class and our speakers took a trip to Athens to spend the day around the Acropolis area, including the Areopagus (Mars Hill). A couple of us had spent some time there before, but one of our speakers, David Hamilton, gave some stellar background information on the area and the lifestyle of Athens at that time.

[First Olympic Stadium, Athens, Greece]

It was the center of the world for the arts, education, and contemporary thought. The philosophers could gather around the monumental temples in the center of the city and toss around ideas of democracy, science, and life. We read Acts 17 where Paul walks in to the center of town and makes his voice and the Gospel that it carries known. They called him an idiot and threatened him with his life (Socrates had been put to death for introducing foreign gods). Even in the face of them, he spoke to them with the authority of the Holy Spirit. It was the first time the Gospel had been shared there, and he was all by himself

[Acropolis Panorama at Night, Athens, Greece]

To gaze on these amazing buildings and to have insight into their structure and intricacies, there is no wonder that people worshiped those whom the buildings were built for. At one time in the Parthenon (the largest, most prominent temple to the goddess Athena Parthenon), there was a giant statue made of pure gold, diamonds, pearls and other precious jewels. These people held their gods in such high esteem, but why? In polytheistic cultures, people live in fear of the gods. They fashion their lives around pleasing them and bribing them with elaborate sacrifices and practices. When bad things happen, a god is mad at them so further action needs to be taken. The gods were always trying to do bad to them. As David Hamilton so eloquently put it, “Religion was a minimizing of fear not an establishment of hope.” So Paul waltzes in and challenges them by saying that there is an Unknown God, and that is a God that cares deeply about them; enough to send his Son to them to be the last sacrifice. This was revolutionary for them, a God that cared? A God of Grace?

Now, there are many lessons that I took away from not only from the teaching, but my time walking around the Acropolis.

The first is that the idolatry of the Greek culture was immensely beautiful. These buildings brought out emotion and awe, and who they stood for brought awe as well. They were still false gods, but they were, and still are attractive. Even now, there are so many things that are attractive to us, pulling us, but aren’t things of God. We start to worship materialism and set up mere humans in the places of importance in our lives. That’s just the tip of the iceberg with all of the things we place in the high places of our lives… But, just as with the buildings in the Acropolis, the things of this world will come to ruin. No matter how fast we work, or how much we maintain, they will always be temporal, no matter how great the appear. We can use the illustration for idolatry and sin in our lives; it might look great for a time, but in the end, it all turns to dust.

The philosophers must have looked at Paul like he was crazy; pointing to the vast buildings just beside them as testimony of their god’s greatness. But the God that Paul shared with them on that day in Athens is the same God that is alive and well today, dwelling in the lives of his people. He truly does last forever and it has been proven time and time again throughout the history of the world. When our hearts and lives aren’t built on the foundation of Jesus Christ, they will crumble to dust.

The second lesson was just as valuable. Like I said before, the people lived in constant fear because there was no way to please the multitude of manic, compulsory, selfish, immoral, and illusory gods. Paul submits to them that there is a God who actually cares for them and will extend perfect grace to them, not by a manner of bribery, but acceptance and revelation. So many times, even as Christians, we come with this thought of God like the Greek pagans did… If I do this for you, God, will you be satisfied; can I go to heaven? We have this mental block that he doesn’t really want the best for us; that our plans are more effective than his; that our comfort is of utmost importance. We believe the lies of the enemy that God is angry with us and will never accept us with our imperfections…

Well, I felt like this is what God was telling me earlier this week, even before going to Athens…

Then the angel showed me myself standing before the angel of the Lord. The Accuser, Satan, was there at the angel’s right hand, making accusations against me. And the Lord said to Satan, “I, the Lord, reject your accusations, Satan. Yes, the Lord, who has chosen him, rebukes you. This man is like a burning stick that has been snatched from the fire.”

My clothing was filthy as I stood there before the angel. So the angel said to the others standing there, “Take off his filthy clothes.” And turning to me said, “See, I have taken your sins, and now I am giving you these fine new clothes.” [Zechariah 3:1-4]

God is not far off, distant, and angry. He desires to take us as we stand before Him, filthy and unrefined. He cannot wait to extend his grace to us, but it does cost us something. We have to tear down the idols that we have and embrace him as the only Lord of our lives.

Last year around this time in my DTS lecture phase, I finally was able to co
me to this point. I realized that I had built my life on idols and didn’t know God. Those idols came crashing down and I found myself standing before God, afraid, but as my only hope. My clothes were black with sin, charred and filled with the smell of smoke. Satan stood there bringing accusations of all kinds which I had believed for so long. The Creator of the universe silenced him by extending his grace to me and I found myself renewed and clean; now standing before my Father.

If this is similar to your story, I would love to talk about it further. Like I said and my life testifies, God wants us to be in communion with him as His children. And, I want to challenge you all to examine your own lives and see if there are things that, although they may seem beautiful, you have built to unworthy places in you life. We can see from the story of the Greek gods, that they won’t stand a chance.

[Pillars in the Agora (Ancient Marketplace), Athens]

That’s it for now, until Turkey, may the Lord bless you and keep you

In Him

John Paul


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31
Oct 07

"Midnight on the Beach in the Mediterannean"

[Written a couple of days ago]

“It’s all Greek to me”… Literally. I have been here for almost a couple of days now and I still do not know how to say hello in Greek. If I read it on a sign or something like that, I still wouldn’t know how to pronounce it… Greek is hard. I have a greater respect for the people at Westmont who were studying Greek (even though its not the same type of Greek).

The time here has been amazing so far. We are a little farther away from the beach than we were in Muizenburg, but the weather is much mellower. For one, there is not wind, and therefore sand, pelting you in the face from all angles. There are also not as many waves, since the beach is situated in a port. The water is warmer, and there are no Great Whites threatening to eat the swimmers. Overall, it is beautiful. The town that we are in is called Porto Rafti, about an hour (public transport) from downtown Athens.

As I think about the next few months, excitement overwhelms me. The amount of studying that we will be doing is a lot, but it will be great to learn, in depth, about the New Testament. In a couple of weeks we will be going to places like Corinth to walk in the steps of Paul, getting a better understanding of the context of the early Church.

I hope to learn more about what the social climate is in Greece as well. Since it is so close to Turkey and the Arab world, I am imagining that the diversity will be astounding. Whenever multiple cultures come together, there is always an interesting dynamic.

This morning Tim, Carla, and I got up early (even though it’s Saturday) to take pictures of the sunrise; which happens to be around 7:30 in Greece. Since the waves aren’t as crazy, and the wind isn’t blowing seawater into my lens, it turned out to be quite an enjoyable experience. I look forward to many more. The new background for the blog is from the shoot this morning… I couldn’t help but praise the Creator…

“All the earth shall worship You

And sing praises to You;

They shall sing praises to Your name.” – Psalm 66:4

I have been appointed to Communications for the PhotogenX Round the World Track. I am excited about the prospect because of my experience with blogging, and because I really like to do it. During the week, I will be collecting stories and information from the team and sending out the updates once a week. Pray that I will be able to keep up with what’s going on and accurately convey the spirit of the team with the updates. I am honored with the opportunity.