Posts Tagged: Jesus Christ

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19
Dec 09

a little video for my church

My church asked me to talk about poverty a little bit to tie into a message  about how much money we spend at Christmas and what we spend our money. He asked us to think about how much we spend on people or how much people spend on us that is wasted because we don’t like the gift or whatever.

The sermon can be found online here : http://www.nsb.org/sermons/a-classic-christmas

Anyway, he asked me to put something together for the service, kind of like a voice from within Northshore (the church i go to). So, I asked Devin to help. We shot it all on a Nikon D300s, 50mm f/1.4 with a RØDE microphone with video lights in front of a huge seamless backdrop.

The song is Needles and Thread by Sleeping at Last.

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14
Aug 08

The Battle Within

Conversation with some friends yielded the topic of striving – a word that isn’t used very much, but is loaded with connotations of insecurity, priorities, recognition, and success. Most of us have this intense desire, whether consciously or not, of being recognized. We thrive knowing that someone approves of us, so when we put our hands to work, we are flooded with anxiety, worry, and disappointment. Many Christians even get into ministry or different projects thinking that God may love us more if we do some amazing things for Him. The motivation of our heart moves from doing anything out of love for God and His creation to seeking approval from the people around us and even from God. This kind of mindset creates an invisible prison that prevents us from moving in the freedom of who we were created to be. When we fail, we either stop trying or attempt another goal for our redemption – feeding off of the disappointment that we have brought upon ourselves. We are immersed in this kind of behavior neglecting the true purpose that we are made to go after unhindered by expectations and limitations. We have this mindset that the end or what we have to show of our lives is the result… the end is the point. In reality, the path is where the beauty is found.

Masks have been created from my striving, projecting an image of myself that isn’t real or true. I have hardly anything together, yet I find myself making it look like I do. With my hands on this mask, I am unable to approach those around me with open hands and an open heart. The thing is – most people still have their hands on their masks as well. We all have these areas where we keep locked away afraid to show others who we really are, but it is better to keep in mind that we are all made of the same parts and experience similar circumstances. If I have learned on thing by spending over a year and a half overseas is that we are all human and deal with both suffering and joy it is what connects us all. Having this mindset helps in dealing with both the struggles and eases of life, especially when there are others around you saying, “I can see where you are and I am here for you.” It is not only refreshing, but it is the correct posture that we should have in relation to each other. It helps put an end to striving for the chartless end and enjoy the radiance of life – loving who we are – living the way we were meant to live.

Finding Peace, Joy, and Love in the journey is finding the treasure. I may not have everything together, but God does, and He is inviting me on this journey of discovery – learning, trying, failing, and recovering. It is a beautiful process. I want to encourage you to let go of your striving and open yourself up to enjoy God and enjoy those around you. Life is an amazing gift. We were created to live with and to live for each other. We don’t have to wait until we are good enough or sufficient enough… if we were to do so, we would never stop waiting.

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12
Jul 08

The Essence of Unseen

Sitting in front of an empty screen is consoling; the small blinking cursor in the sea of white reminds me of my current condition and the state of my emotions. After traveling for the last 10 months experiencing a myriad of situations, worldviews, and thought processes, my mind and spirit have been on a proverbial rollercoaster. It was a ride that I thoroughly enjoyed.

Upon arriving back in the US, my expectations were sent soaring. The Not Alone Benefit made some money for the Mercy Development Home in Ethiopia, I saw some friends and family members, and then all of the sudden I was on my way back to Kona to resume studies and work on the publication from our experiences. What I didn’t anticipate was the slight depression that landed on me almost simultaneously with my plane landing in Honolulu. Depression is something that I have struggled with in the past, almost as if whenever I look behind me it is as if a shadow is always a hundred feet behind…sometimes closer, sometimes further, and sometimes I don’t even look.

Over the last few days, I think that I have been able to identify areas in my life that the depression feeds off of. I want to deeply trust God that He is who He says He is. I should know both in my head and my heart that He is good having witnessed His amazing provision and love. There is also this seemingly inherent fear of being hurt alone, as well as some psychological and emotional wounds in need of deep tissue healing. All of that culminating with the financial stresses of going through school with hardly any of the money than is required.

Maybe it is my inability to see God as my Father. In a recent talk to the body of believers out here in Kona, Andy Byrd, an amazing man of God, gave a parallel of his relationship with His son. Asher is about 4 years old and is passionate about his love for his father. He never distrusts Andy’s ability to clothe, feed, and give good gifts to him. Andy is not God, but the reliance that Asher has on his daddy is the way I want to relate with my Heavenly Father. In fact, that is the way that faith is supposed to work. With my eyes fixed on God, the waves around me are insignificant next to the power that He has. And then there is the promise that God’s power, the power that raised Christ from the dead, is living inside of me. Why do I worry? Why do I strive for control over my life when the Perfect Father, the Creator and Sustainer of the universe is alive within me? The reality of Jesus and His life is the reality that I need to be living in, not this façade, this thin, filthy veneer that I see. It about looking beyond, looking to the reality that Christ brought – the Kingdom that He ushers in – the Kingdom that He placed within.

As I have mentioned in some of my posts, I love the thought of Love. The word has lost a lot of meaning in our time and can mean anything from a red glass window in Amsterdam paid for by the hour, to the subculture of the 70’s, to the ultimate sacrifice of Jesus Christ. The love I speak about is the unending love, the love that gives expecting nothing in return, the love that costs something, unselfish. This is the type of love that God has for the world, the type of love that I have seen the world in desperation for. What I haven’t realized or taken to heart was that the passionate, unrelenting, undistracted, devastating, and unconditional love that the world is burning for is the same love that God has for me; that He has for you. He is mesmerized by one glance from my eyes; His heart blazes at one trifling word of affection from our hearts to His. I have to know that love, I need to feel it not only for the world, but for myself. Oh, to wake up to the reality of the love of Christ – the destructive love of the relentless Lion and the tender embrace of the Lamb.

The program that I am enrolled in is expensive. It is even more expensive now that we are back in the States. The team of monthly supporters helps a great deal, but as it stands, I have no way of paying for the school fees as well as the bills that I have back home as well. I have this issue of pride with asking for others to come along-side me, joining me in accomplishing the goal and finishing the program, but after praying about what God wanted me to do, I felt that I should use the blog this week to do just that. It is a sacrifice of my pride, the idea that I should be providing for myself, and what I think the blog should be… but, in obedience, I have to.

I started PhotogenX last September and I intend to finish it. These next 6 months we will be working on a publication from our travels and experiences with injustice around the world. We want it to be a catalyst of change in the world. We are willing to be used, but we need help. I need help. My fees for the school are $4,000 just for this next 3 months and at the moment I don’t have it. I am trusting God for this provision believing that He can finish what He started. The waves of financial pressure are building all around me, but He knows exactly where I am and He is with me. If you would like to stand with me, there are many ways to do so; please let me know.

Thanks for reading about my journeys and experiences. I pray that you open yourself up to the Amazing Love and Grace that comes only through a loving relationship with Jesus Christ.

In Obedience to Him,

John Paul

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12
Jul 08

The Essence of Unseen

Sitting in front of an empty screen is consoling; the small blinking cursor in the sea of white reminds me of my current condition and the state of my emotions. After traveling for the last 10 months experiencing a myriad of situations, worldviews, and thought processes, my mind and spirit have been on a proverbial rollercoaster. It was a ride that I thoroughly enjoyed.

Upon arriving back in the US, my expectations were sent soaring. The Not Alone Benefit made some money for the Mercy Development Home in Ethiopia, I saw some friends and family members, and then all of the sudden I was on my way back to Kona to resume studies and work on the publication from our experiences. What I didn’t anticipate was the slight depression that landed on me almost simultaneously with my plane landing in Honolulu. Depression is something that I have struggled with in the past, almost as if whenever I look behind me it is as if a shadow is always a hundred feet behind…sometimes closer, sometimes further, and sometimes I don’t even look.

Over the last few days, I think that I have been able to identify areas in my life that the depression feeds off of. I want to deeply trust God that He is who He says He is. I should know both in my head and my heart that He is good having witnessed His amazing provision and love. There is also this seemingly inherent fear of being hurt alone, as well as some psychological and emotional wounds in need of deep tissue healing. All of that culminating with the financial stresses of going through school with hardly any of the money than is required.

Maybe it has something to do with my struggle to always see God as my Father. In a recent talk to the body of believers out here in Kona, Andy Byrd, an amazing man of God, gave a parallel of his relationship with His son. Asher is about 4 years old and is passionate about his love for his father. He never distrusts Andy’s ability to clothe, feed, and give good gifts to him. Andy is not God, but the reliance that Asher has on his daddy is the way I want to relate with my Heavenly Father. In fact, that is the way that faith is supposed to work. With my eyes fixed on God, the waves around me are insignificant next to the power that He has. And then there is the promise that God’s power, the power that raised Christ from the dead, is living inside of me. Why do I worry? Why do I strive for control over my life when the Perfect Father, the Creator and Sustainer of the universe is alive within me? The reality of Jesus and His life is the reality that I need to be living in, not this façade, this thin, filthy veneer that I see. It about looking beyond, looking to the reality that Christ brought – the Kingdom that He ushers in – the Kingdom that He placed within.

As I have mentioned in some of my posts, I love the thought of Love. The word has lost a lot of meaning in our time and can mean anything from a red glass window in Amsterdam paid for by the hour, to the subculture of the 70’s, to the ultimate sacrifice of Jesus Christ. The love I speak about is the unending love, the love that gives expecting nothing in return, the love that costs something, unselfish. This is the type of love that God has for the world, the type of love that I have seen the world in desperation for. What I haven’t realized or taken to heart was that the passionate, unrelenting, undistracted, devastating, and unconditional love that the world is burning for is the same love that God has for me; that He has for you. He is mesmerized by one glance from my eyes; His heart blazes at one trifling word of affection from our hearts to His. I have to know that love, I need to feel it not only for the world, but for myself. Oh, to wake up to the reality of the love of Christ – the destructive love of the relentless Lion and the tender embrace of the Lamb.


The program that I am enrolled in is expensive. It is even more expensive now that we are back in the States. The team of monthly supporters helps a great deal, but as it stands, I have no way of paying for the school fees as well as the bills that I have back home as well. I have this issue of pride with asking for others to come along-side me, joining me in accomplishing the goal and finishing the program, but after praying about what God wanted me to do, I felt that I should use the blog this week to do just that. It is a sacrifice of my pride, the idea that I should be providing for myself, and what I think the blog should be… but, in obedience, I have to.

I started PhotogenX last September and I intend to finish it. These next 6 months we will be working on a publication from our travels and experiences with injustice around the world. We want it to be a catalyst of change in the world. We are willing to be used, but we need help. I need help. My fees for the school are $4,000 just for this next 3 months and at the moment I don’t have it. I am trusting God for this provision believing that He can finish what He started. The waves of financial pressure are building all around me, but He knows exactly where I am and He is with me. If you would like to stand with me, there are many ways to do so; please let me know.

Thanks for reading about my journeys and experiences. I pray that you open yourself up to the Amazing Love and Grace that comes only through a loving relationship with Jesus Christ.

In Obedience to Him,

John Paul

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12
Jul 08

Costa Rica

[Punta Leona]

My second trip to Costa Rica was much different than my first 2 years earlier. I was with the rest of the group and one of us if from Costa Rica. That immediately gives you the upper hand as far as activities and places to go. We spent the first part of the month in San Jose, taking classes on Latin America attempting to discover the worldview and thought processes of where we were staying. It was a bit of culture shock just coming from Spain and Morocco, but beautiful none-the-less. One of my favorite things on the trip is seeing the differences and similarities between cultures. It is a constant reminder that we are all human and we are all in this life together.
We had an opportunity to go to the beach for a weekend with Carla’s family. After so much traveling and running around with busy schedules, it was relaxing to just sit and take in the beauty that Costa Rica has to offer.


Deni and I had the opportunity to go to a small ministry called Casa Luz. It’s meaning in Spanish is House of Light and it was started a few years back by a Canadian couple in response to the vast need of protection for abused women. The women who are in the program either have children or are pregnant. The home offers protection, a day care program, a place for the ladies and their children to stay, and trained home-mothers for them to talk to and relate with. Casa Luz has a lot to offer Costa Rica since domestic abuse and forms of rape are prevalent among the different poorer communities. They are in the process of building even more apartments for the women, a better day care center, and a playground for the children to play freely. It was a relief to be there; there was a huge sadness, but also a response birthed in Hope.



During the outreach portion of our time in Costa Rica, I had wanted to go down to Peru, then Panama, then Cuba… but plan after plan fell through because of financial reasons; but looking back, God’s plan was better. A few of us traveled by car to the south of Costa Rica to help out with a project for the Guyami people. They are a people who were originally nomads from the northern Panama area but have now sought permanent residency in Costa Rica. Panama and Costa Rica differ tremendously due to economic and social variables. For example, Costa Rica doesn’t have an army, so the government money can be allotted instead to health care and education. Because of these reasons, the indigenous people stayed and have access to the benefits just as any other Costa Rican citizen.



The government gives free education to all children in Costa Rica including the Guyami. But the children usually come from poor families who can’t cover the extra expenses like uniforms, extra books, and Christmas presents. A grass-roots organization in San Jose, the capital, have started a link between some of the private schools in San Jose and the indigenous people. Before Christmas, an angel tree is put up in the private schools with the pictures of each of the Guyami students and the private schoolers will buy a gift for one of the students in the indigenous villages. The small group of us that went down to the Guyami did so in order to get the pictures of the students who would be getting Christmas presents from San Jose this year. Usually it is a little bit difficult to come into a place with your camera poised and ready to capture images, but when that is the stated point to why you are there, it becomes much easier in a small amount of time. What takes weeks takes just moments. It was a blessing to simply be with the children, smiling with them, stuttering what little Spanish I know, and being the object of teasing and laughing. It doesn’t get much better than that and I would love to go back someday to see them.


[An assortment of images from the Guyami people in Southern Costa Rica]

Its no wonder that Costa Rica is the top eco-tourism spot for North Americans. There is so much to see, so many trails to hike, and a lot of rice and beans to eat. There is everything from dense jungles complete with spiders, purple-heart wood, and spider monkeys to high elevation volcanoes. Even a month is not enough to spend there and see even a fraction of the beauty that Costa Rica contains.


[Some of the amazing nature of Costa Rica]

That is all for this time. I appologize that the posting is coming so late. The post-Costa Rica schedule was quite hectic and crazy.
Blessings in Christ
John Paul
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17
Jun 08

the beauty is in the Hope

“Ask, and I will give the nations to you”

What am I asking for?

I stand among 25 people lifting their voices, their minds, and their hearts – in essence – their lives – to a Perfect Father. Over the last 10 months He has given us the nations, a tremendous blessing and opportunity, but also one that has had it share of struggles. We have witnessed the numerous heartbreaks of humanity; infanticide, famine, the deepest hunger, those on their deathbeds from HIV, the effects of war, the vicious cycles of poverty and disease that claim millions of precious lives each year, and the injustice of the apathetic. All of the traveling was not a joy-ride but one involving real and evident sadness. The situations and circumstances left us changes; scarred forever like a brand on our hearts and minds. So we continue to ask for the nations… along with all of their joys, but also their sorrow.

But, we are not left there because even in immense pain is beauty – we know of it as hope. In John 16 Jesus talks about sadness – that we will have it and that by following Him, we seek it out. When we follow Him into the life – into the nations – into love – We are following Him to the Cross. But as we pursue Him there He gives to us what can never be taken away; a peace that passes understanding and incomparable joy. That is why we are able to laugh hysterically at our living conditions, each other’s crazy experiences, and shake-face pictures (see below). It is also the reason that we are able to stand together wherever we are in the world and, with tears in our eyes and compassion in our hearts, cry out to God; telling Him in our feeble words how great and how good He really is.


“Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.”

He wins.

Blessings through Him… the most beautiful One
John Paul

Please don’t view this as an impression that the beautiful people, places, and moments are rare; they are definitely evident in every society and culture around the world. But pain and suffering are found everywhere as well and it is the reason that we are here, to proclaim Hope to those who may have lost it whether they be in Myanmar, Switzerland, or Denver, Colorado.

Shake-Face – just use the flash… compliments of Anna

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15
May 08

Love is the Stillness

Love is a word that I talk so vigilantly about, but I hardly know anything about it. I have often mentioned that Love is a Movement… To a large degree, I am wrong. It is true that love is a catalyst for change, but before love can move me, I must be loved. Not only must I be loved, but it is absolutely vital that I love God above everything else. I have felt God’s love for me in tremendous ways. I will never forget one of the most vivid times. It was in November of 2006, I was in a remote area of Hawaii and had committed my life to Christ the night before. I made the commitment out of desperation, not knowing what would happen next; I wasn’t expecting to be physically on my face in the presence of God, my heart in a vice unable to grasp or handle the perfect, undivided, and everlasting love of the Father for me. It was a moment that was branded into my mind and soul forever. Since that time, my heart has been rebroken over and over for the lost and hurting people in the world; Congolese experiencing the worst genocide ever, Ethiopian street children starving to death by the thousands, Ugandans ravaged by war and HIV, 127,000 plus residents of Myanmar gone in a matter of hours, and a Western world full of suicidal depression, adultery, and greed. The love of the Father is open to all… can this be?

My mother tells me that when I was young, I would constantly ask her, “Is that true, mom?” to no end. I have this deep desire to know that something is real, tangible, and trustworthy. But as happens so much in everyone’s lives, we experience something that takes away our childlike innocence and grows us up to some of the realities of the world, betrayal, unfaithfulness, and injustice. The same is true in my life. Sometimes the people unknowingly and unwillingly do so to us, but we are betrayed just the same. Often times we feel as if it were God Himself bringing his judgment against us.

There were a few instances in my life that particularly stand out to me. I was in high school, a young freshman punky looking kid with little direction and at the verge of going “off the edge” in terms of rebellion. There was this girl, who had a smile that would attract the attention of the entire room as if no one had known that they were existing in darkness before she walked in. Over the next three years, we got to know each other. She was the first person that I loved. She was an amazing person, full of the joy of the Lord eager to follow Him with everything she had. I wasn’t an amazing person, nor did I have the joy of the Lord, and really didn’t know Him much at all besides this light He had placed in my path… But I messed everything up and I knew it. I was the one who betrayed, who was blind, who was corrupt. For a long time, I tried to save myself in her eyes, persistently apologizing. The summer in between my two years at military school in Missouri, we sat down in our usual spot in McDonald’s under the poster of Terrell Davis, where we had spend so many afternoons over the years. She told me she would write… She left on a mission’s trip to Mexico where the Lord took her home to be with Him.

A long while later, I was attending university at Westmont; she was a sophomore at the same college. We met through a friend, started dating, and fell in love. Over the next three years, I studied hard, graduating a year early so that we could go through with our plans to get married. I asked her to marry me and we were set for a full exciting life… or so we thought. Not long after graduation, the engagement and our relationship were off. I was heartbroken, feeling betrayed not only by her, but by this far off and distant God who said that He cares about people. I questioned who I was, what on earth I was doing, and why me… Out of desperation, I applied to DTS where I encountered the personal Father and Jesus Christ for the first time.

Since then, from reading the Bible, I would pick up on verses that told me to go into the world, love each other, bind up the brokenhearted. There was something romantic about the idea of traveling, being a champion for the poor and needy, showing them that there is a God who loves them. I had skipped the part that Jesus made so perfectly clear… “You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength” (Matthew 22:37). Since I had the dream that I explained in the last blog update, I haven’t felt right. There has been something missing. Over the last week, God has been showing me that there has been so much that I have missed. The past relationships with people close to me have shaped me into someone who doesn’t trust. I project what happened in those relationships onto the people around me as well as onto God. I know in my head that He is perfect, worthy of trust, but my life, doubt, worry, and actions show that my heart is holding back from giving Him everything. His love is better than life itself, He proved in with the death of His Son, Jesus Christ, but here I am striving for His love as if it wasn’t a free gift. I think that what I have been doing for the last two years had aspects of love, but they were also a plead to God that He shouldn’t ever leave me, that perhaps He needed to keep me around for something. How wrong I was. Love is being still and letting the love of Christ empty everything that I am out, the doubt, guilt, disbelief, and worry in order to fully accept His unconditional, life-changing, freedom releasing love to me. I am only realizing that I will never be good enough to deserve His love. But He gives it to me anyway. That is Grace and when we get it, we have no other options but falling to our knees in absolute nothingness before the Perfect Creator, the Author of Salvation, the Name above all other names.

How can I love God? How can I give Him trust? How can I be emptied of selfishness and striving? I can’t. I am absolutely incapable of changing my situation. All I can do is want more of Him. He is the one that can replace this incapable heart and replace it with one able to trust Him able to rest in His perfect, everlasting love. We are all broken. We all need a transformation that supersedes anything we could ever go for ourselves.

I have preached so much about love – yet I was deceived about the best part of it, Grace. I can’t move in love until I know God’s love for me. The response from His love is to love Him – above everything else, bringing nothing to Him, receiving His Grace. His love for me and mine for Him then flows out of me uncontrollably. We crave for others to feel that kind of unconditional, absolutely incomprehensible and mysterious love.

His love is that whisper amidst the whirlwinds and earthquakes of our lives. Love from the Perfect Father is known by being still – listening to His gentle voice that shatters worry and melts fear. He knows me, knows my insufficiencies and sins, but He loves me just the same and is waiting to give up everything, all of my pride, brokenness, and striving, in order to create in me a new heart.

I had a vision of that wonderful day, when I would meet Jesus, God’s tangible love, face to face. I pictures standing in front of Him – when our eyes met for the first time and pierced my soul. The guilt of everything I had ever done piled on my heart in an instant. I couldn’t stand in His perfection. I felt as though I had died, completely ashamed in front of the One who died for my sins. Almost instantly He was lifting me up, taking all of my bur
dens once and for all in the greatest act of forgiveness that the world will ever know. He was inviting me to live with Him forever, in the place that He had been preparing. The place where every tear would be wiped away, every fear released; a place where I could never get away from the unhindered love and presence of God.
What a glorious day that will be.

In constant need for more of Him,
Jp

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11
May 08

Dreams, England, and the Mediteranean…

[Brassica napus (aka rapeseed) field near Doncaster, UK]

[Snake Pass in the Pennines]

Leaving Amsterdam was bittersweet, as I had mentioned last time. Upon leaving, I flew to the middle of the United Kingdom to spend a number of days in a town called Doncaster. My uncle has been living there for the last 6 years and it is rare that I get to spend any serious time with him. Before this, I can’t remember having so much fun and such close communion with him. When I look back on this track, it will be one of the highlights. Thanks, Uncle Forest, it was such a blessing to be there with you.

[Nesting swans on Keepmoat lake in Doncaster]


[Young Lambs in a field near Snake Pass in the Pennine Range]

Driving through the winding, slithery roads of South Yorkshire,where Doncaster is located, a flood of memories came back to me. As a Member of Parliament for this area, William Wilberforce spent much of his time in the area. We can be grateful to his obedience to God in ending the slave trade in England, which set the stage for ending legal slavery all over the world. Hudson Taylor, one of the first missionaries to China was from the region as well.

These roads were rich in history, around every turn were familiar signs and names… “That was here?” Even most of the important scientific discoveries ever were made on this land by brilliant (and sometimes not so brilliant) minds. When the Western Church was expanding, Benedictine monks came to its shores and established abbeys that were vital to the reading and translating of the Bible. The Roche Valley Abbey (monastery and cathedral) was erected from 1147 to 1149 and remained an active area of studying/worship for at least 14 monks and many others for 389 years until the King Henry VIII had problems with the Catholic Church in Rome. With the dissolution of all of the monasteries in England the Roche became unoccupied and fell victim to the looting of the treasures and even stones of the buildings. Even the largest Abbey in England, the Fountains Abbey in Ripon Valley was subject to the wrath of Henry VIII. because of his issues with divorce. He broke off from the Catholic Church and formed the Anglican Church, which is still the official church in England.

[Roche Valley Abbey near Doncaster, UK]

[Fountains Abbey near Ripon, UK]

Throughout history, especially in Europe and especially with Christianity, there have been divisions, wars, moral dilemmas, and intellectual supremacy that has kept Europe in much of a Dark Age. Many missionaries ended up coming out of England and Europe, but now in Yorkshire, less than 3% of the population considers themselves Christian? What went wrong? I think that many people used Christianity to fit their own actions instead of conforming to the image of Christ in word and deed. When the Age of Enlightenment came around, they no longer even needed to hide behind the façade of Christianity, but were now accountable to no one, neither man or God.

What happened along the way? Did science give us a reason to deny the existence of a Creator? In the academic course I am enrolled in, we must read an array of books by a myriad of authors. One of the books is called “A Short History of Nearly Everything” by a distinguished author named Bill Bryson. Throughout the book (which is lengthy and a bit difficult), everything points back to the absence of order in the universe, explaining scientific theories and their holes,but doesn’t explain possible reasons for the holes. What is evident throughout the book is that we really know very little, with gaps in conjectured (some solid) theories. However observant Bryson may be, he didn’t even allude to the possibility that there could be a Creator and Sustainer of the universe. I hold to the basic principles of naturalism and evolution, but know that it was God whom spoke it all into existence; He set everything in motion and continues to work in His creation – guiding it along. But for the majority of the scientific community, science gave a reason to question. [Maybe some day, I will dedicate a whole entry to my thoughts on creation, nature, science and evolution; this entry is for other thoughts.] To sum it up,in the minds of many, Nietzsche was right… We killed God. We have lifted ourselves up to a position of thinking that we don’t need God (which we obviously do) nor should we be accountable to Him (which is the basis for all morality).

I know that the I AM lives and I need more of Him… desperately – sometimes I just lose sight of it. The first week in Spain I had a dream; literally. My dreams seem to me as a movie in which i have the starring role. In most of them, I view myself from the outside as if I was watching but then participate emotionally and psychologically with what is happening… a little hard to explain. At the start of the dream, I was in the ‘missions field’ doing work, helping people, and feeling good about myself. The scene after that I was coming in through the front door of home. It wasn’t my physical house in Denver or anything, but it had the feeling that I had arrived at my real home… After placing my small bags down I walked around. There were a few people around, but ultimately I made it back to the dining room. As I walked in, I suddenly had to stop. There in front of me was a big table almost completely empty. At the head of the table was the Father God in physical form. I never saw His face, I just knew that it was Him. I did see his arms and hands, resting on the table on both sides of an empty, untouched plate. He had been waiting for me. I felt as though I made the most important date imaginable, but had forgotten about it because I was too caught up doing my own thing. I was instantly regretful, ashamed, and guilty that I was capable of doing such a thing. Then I woke up.
Throughout the morning, I came back to the dream, knowing that I am fully capable of doing good things for the wrong reasons. I am a selfish person. The dream made me examine my life and question my motives for doing anything at all. Do I live my life away from God, disregarding His willingness to have a relationship with me? Do I count Him out of my activities, unwilling to do what He wants me to do?
The Bible tells me that the driving force of my life should be loving God (Luke 10:27). There is nothing more important than that, and I know if from my own experience as well. There is nothing more fulfilling. Why then is it so easy to forget? I want to be in a position where I can love God above everything else, no matter what or where that puts me (even if it’s in Siberia studying lichen or in Africa working with HIV positive people). Nothing is better than my relationship with Him. He is still there, waiting to commune with me, to fellowship with me, to speak love to me. He has been there all along. One of the most beautiful things in existence is that He wants to have a relationship with all of us on an individual, unique, and intimate level.

Because He loved first
John Paul

Uncategorized — 14 Comments
29
Apr 08

With Love and Flowers

She is Beautiful, yet she doesn’t always think so

She has big dreams for a bright career

When she is nervous, she plays with her hair

She has a birthday… 1977 although I would have guessed the 80’s

She has two smiles, the real one is much better

She wants to have a baby and a family

She wants to forget about this part

She hopes for something more

[One of the many alleys in the Red Light District]

Awkwardly standing in front of the window I put my heart on the line by extending my love through a white and pink rose. Droplets of water had formed on the delicate petals and had smudged the writing on the love letter than accompanied the stem. I was no one, maybe even a potential client. The message was simple – God created you, your life is important, His love for you is better than life itself.

We all need to be loved. We were created with a desire for intimacy, for deep personal connection. Amsterdam is one of the last places that you will find it.

[I was amazed at the amount of tour-groups threading through the district]

We got a small group together and started praying about what we should write to accompany the flowers that we would hand out to the girls behind the glass. We rifled through our pocket sized Bibles led by ideas and references that would speak life into a dark place. Although we didn’t get around to doing a whole lot with the ministries in the RLD because of the short time we were there, this was what God wanted us to do; possibly even the reason that we were here.

The next night we stared at all of the flowers before getting busy attaching the love notes. Someone had been looking for something to give money towards and when they heard of the Flower Campaign, the Lord provided more than enough through them. There were ten of us that were going out on delivery, carrying with us more than flowers and strips of paper.

[The Cleft is in the middle of the Red Light District and provides some amazing ministries to the lost and broken]

The time had come. We paired up and headed out. I went with Deni, one of the staff of the track. As we walked, the closer we came to our destination, the more feelings stirred in our hearts. We arrived with an arm-full of flowers. The first interaction was the most difficult and nerve-racking. As far as we knew, people just didn’t do what we were doing; there was always something else involved. I have an odd way of explaining what happened when they received the flower and knew that it was a gift… It appeared as if scales fell from their eyes. It is a weird way of explaining the phenomenon, but words escape me if I try to say it any differently. Their eyes literally changed and they became human. Now, obviously, I know that they are human, made in God’s image and deeply loved, but they have been objectified to the point that there is a disconnect with who God created them to be. So when they received something beautiful for simply being loved by God, grace came flooding in. With some it was a little more obvious than others, but I know that the messages symbolized in the flower were delivered precisely to the people they should have. It was an amazing time, I too, felt valued and loved by God.

We continued to walk, praying. We realized that we were no different from the people walking around the RLD searching. They search for the girl that will satisfy, but we know that the love of Christ and the Father is the only thing. We have all given ourselves over to selfish desires as well, searching for that element of life that will set us on fire with fulfillment. It is part of what being human is. One of my favorite authors, Brennan Manning puts it this way. “To be alive is to be broken. And to be broken is to stand in need of grace.” We all need the remarkable, exposing, and uncomplicated love of Christ. Since I have seen a glimpse, it doesn’t make me any better, because without Him, I am nothing, wretched.

[St. Nicholas Church in towers over the Red Light District (not seen here). Interestingly enough, St. Nicholas is the Patron Saint of prostitutes among other things]

We were on our way out of the district when I looked down and saw a broken flower on the ground… someone in our group had given it out. I reached down and picked up the discarded blossom saddened by what it represented. The paper was torn, the writing blurred beyond recognition. The head of the daisy was incredibly whole so I kept it, not knowing what the future would hold. As we passed the last window on our way out, my eyes met the disconnected glance of the girl who occupied it. I approached the window, again putting my hope on the line. She opened the window and we began to talk. Deni and I stood awkwardly as she explained all the scenarios of why we should come inside… It was difficult to stand there, extremely uncomfortable. Why was I standing there? Why had I found that last flower? Why this window? We eventually paid for 30 minutes of her time (how it usually works) and entered the room, flooded with red and black lights. We took off our rain soaked jackets and sat down on the bed. As we talked about life, hopes, family, and hard times, the
time flew by. 45 minutes later it was time to go, she had to get back to work, we had to go back to the base. Since then, my mind has replayed the events of that night over and over in my head… We said goodbye and I hoped that I would never see her in that window again. What can I say? What words can describe the thoughts in my head and feelings in my heart? There aren’t enough flowers.

["Window Shopping" as it is often called]

I came to Amsterdam frustrated, but left with a broken heart. I look forward to going back. It is a city of confusion, brokenness, and misguided seeking, but also a city where those who are searching can be filled with everlasting water and the Bread of Life. Where sin abounds, so does Grace(Romans 5:20).

May love flow from God into your life and from your life into the lives of others.
The opportunity is ours.

In Christ,
John Paul

Enjoy the Pictures!

[Bikes are super popular... it is easy to make a biker mad, just get in their way]

[People lock their bikes up everywhere]

[A little lightpainting at the "Skinny Bridge"]

[Amsterdam is famous for it's canals as well]

[The Hermitage Amsterdam... I have no idea what this one is for, but traditionally, Hermitages are religious centers]

[I really like this picture...}

[When YWAM first started in Amsterdam, the staff all lived on barges in the canals]

[Old Buildings... budding trees]

[Wooden Shoe (Clog) Factory, Zaandijk]

[Some wooden tulips at the clog factory]

[Tulips, Zaandijk]

[There was also a Carnival at Dam Square]


[Some Windmills at Zaandijk]

[Cottages on the Canals in Zaandijk]

Uncategorized — 3 Comments
18
Apr 08

Traffic Jams, Fish, and some other things

Driving down I-25 or the “Valley Highway” as my dad likes to call it, I always get caught in traffic. For some reason, the Metro Denver Area thought it would be a great idea to fix the whole highway at once and to take 10-15 years doing it. While stuck in traffic, I usually do one of two things; I get angry or go crazy. And when I get angry I am basically going crazy but it includes shaking the car back and forth, not talking to myself which is the “normal” crazy.

In Amsterdam this week, I found myself stuck in a different traffic jam, but the results were pretty much the same, I became a bit angry and I think I went a bit crazy as well. This traffic jam is quite predictable; it is in the center of the city and lasts from around 9pm to around 3 in the morning. The streets are packed not with honking cars, but with broken men and women. The sex industry in Amsterdam brings in over a US Billion Dollars a year. Most of the girls in the Red Light District remain there as if locked in a prison cell, bars of steal and cells of concrete substituted for a door of glass and a red room with a bed. Many are from different parts of Europe or North Africa and were recruited for hotel jobs. When they got to Amsterdam, the glittery promises fall through, their captors flaunt their passports in front of their face; scared and intimidated, they submit to whatever they are required to do. It becomes an issue of Human Trafficking.

Dutch girls are herded in other ways, with the use of “Lover Boys” who drive into the country in their BMW’s and Mercedes, getting to know girls from 13-17. Soon they know everything about the girls even knowing where they live and befriending their parents. They are whisked away to Amsterdam with their rich boyfriends who also promise them luxurious lives, but when they get here they are hit with reality that things are not what they seem. If they try to get out now, they are reminded of who knows where their parents live and where they can be found. Even the women who enter the “profession” on a temporary basis to pay off debt or similar situations find themselves trapped in a system which is next to impossible to get out.
Not only is it sad to see the women behind their invisible bars, the city is filled with broken people searching for something that is real. They come to smoke blunts, indulge in sexual fantasies, and get lost in both. They come because of a void that is pulling them, but the behavior that they are involved in makes sure that they will never fulfill no matter how lost they get. You see the brokenness in their eyes as they dart from girl to girl, you hear it in their congratulatory (and often times drunken) congratulations to their buddy who just came out of the room to make room for the next one in line. It makes me sad, but it makes me think. I am not so different from them. For a long time I searched as they did for something to fill the emptiness that I couldn’t escape from. I tried to lose myself to forget that I had a void; sometimes even to forget that I was…

The thing is, without Jesus, we all are searching for that something. We all need Him to be okay. He is the only one that satisfies our deepest longings as humanity. We can implement programs and projects all over the world; we can put an end to prostitution, AIDS, and even hunger, but the longing will always remain and will manifest itself as selfishness and greed. I was reading a book recently and found a small paragraph that changed my life forever.
“There is an old adage that says, ‘You can give a man a fish or better still you can teach him to fish.’ Jesus would add, ‘You can teach a person how to fish but even the most successful fisherman has a hunger that fish cannot satisfy.’” – Ravi Zacharias in Jesus Among Other Gods

While Jesus was here, He completely transformed the Earth, no one else is like Him. Unlike the champions of other religions, Jesus was not just showing the way, He is the Way. He didn’t only teach His message, He is His Message. Not only did He proclaim truth, He is Truth. He didn’t just offer the Water of Life; He is the Water of life. We are all made to crave relationship with our Creator, which is the emptiness. Jesus is the Way to a restored relationship with the Father.
We are all weak, yes. Even after a revelation of who Jesus is, we still fall sometimes because we are human and will always take our eyes off of perfection. But in our weakness, He is strong. He is able to pick us up again and extend His Amazing Grace and show us again a glimpse of who He really is.

Not only is He strong in our lives when we are weak, He is strong in other people’s lives when we are weak. I think that we have greatly underestimated the power of our testimony in our relationship with Jesus and our interaction with the world. Our testimony is an example of how God was strong in our lives when we were absolutely weak. His strength moving in our weakness can also move in someone else’s weakness as well. Humans relate to the world around them in similar ways; there is nothing new under the sun. Someone who hears my story or your story can relate to you at basic terms. Even someone across the globe will relate to the basics of your humanity and your need for God.

I hope that this encourages you to share your story, invite people to your house, get to know your neighbors and the people you sit next to week after week in church or class. Maybe God wants to use you to bring change to this world. Maybe it is actually Jesus sitting next to you.

Pray for the Prostitutes; for the Broken; for the Downtrodden and Outcast and the condition of the world that they represent. God sees them and loves them dearly. Pray for yourself as well, that you may have courage to be in the world, but not be of it. That you may show people there is a Spring of everlasting water that gives life to even the most dead. The Light of Life is here and so is His Kingdom.

in Christ, the Way
John Paul

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