Posts Tagged: Gospel

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12
Jul 08

The Essence of Unseen

Sitting in front of an empty screen is consoling; the small blinking cursor in the sea of white reminds me of my current condition and the state of my emotions. After traveling for the last 10 months experiencing a myriad of situations, worldviews, and thought processes, my mind and spirit have been on a proverbial rollercoaster. It was a ride that I thoroughly enjoyed.

Upon arriving back in the US, my expectations were sent soaring. The Not Alone Benefit made some money for the Mercy Development Home in Ethiopia, I saw some friends and family members, and then all of the sudden I was on my way back to Kona to resume studies and work on the publication from our experiences. What I didn’t anticipate was the slight depression that landed on me almost simultaneously with my plane landing in Honolulu. Depression is something that I have struggled with in the past, almost as if whenever I look behind me it is as if a shadow is always a hundred feet behind…sometimes closer, sometimes further, and sometimes I don’t even look.

Over the last few days, I think that I have been able to identify areas in my life that the depression feeds off of. I want to deeply trust God that He is who He says He is. I should know both in my head and my heart that He is good having witnessed His amazing provision and love. There is also this seemingly inherent fear of being hurt alone, as well as some psychological and emotional wounds in need of deep tissue healing. All of that culminating with the financial stresses of going through school with hardly any of the money than is required.

Maybe it is my inability to see God as my Father. In a recent talk to the body of believers out here in Kona, Andy Byrd, an amazing man of God, gave a parallel of his relationship with His son. Asher is about 4 years old and is passionate about his love for his father. He never distrusts Andy’s ability to clothe, feed, and give good gifts to him. Andy is not God, but the reliance that Asher has on his daddy is the way I want to relate with my Heavenly Father. In fact, that is the way that faith is supposed to work. With my eyes fixed on God, the waves around me are insignificant next to the power that He has. And then there is the promise that God’s power, the power that raised Christ from the dead, is living inside of me. Why do I worry? Why do I strive for control over my life when the Perfect Father, the Creator and Sustainer of the universe is alive within me? The reality of Jesus and His life is the reality that I need to be living in, not this façade, this thin, filthy veneer that I see. It about looking beyond, looking to the reality that Christ brought – the Kingdom that He ushers in – the Kingdom that He placed within.

As I have mentioned in some of my posts, I love the thought of Love. The word has lost a lot of meaning in our time and can mean anything from a red glass window in Amsterdam paid for by the hour, to the subculture of the 70’s, to the ultimate sacrifice of Jesus Christ. The love I speak about is the unending love, the love that gives expecting nothing in return, the love that costs something, unselfish. This is the type of love that God has for the world, the type of love that I have seen the world in desperation for. What I haven’t realized or taken to heart was that the passionate, unrelenting, undistracted, devastating, and unconditional love that the world is burning for is the same love that God has for me; that He has for you. He is mesmerized by one glance from my eyes; His heart blazes at one trifling word of affection from our hearts to His. I have to know that love, I need to feel it not only for the world, but for myself. Oh, to wake up to the reality of the love of Christ – the destructive love of the relentless Lion and the tender embrace of the Lamb.

The program that I am enrolled in is expensive. It is even more expensive now that we are back in the States. The team of monthly supporters helps a great deal, but as it stands, I have no way of paying for the school fees as well as the bills that I have back home as well. I have this issue of pride with asking for others to come along-side me, joining me in accomplishing the goal and finishing the program, but after praying about what God wanted me to do, I felt that I should use the blog this week to do just that. It is a sacrifice of my pride, the idea that I should be providing for myself, and what I think the blog should be… but, in obedience, I have to.

I started PhotogenX last September and I intend to finish it. These next 6 months we will be working on a publication from our travels and experiences with injustice around the world. We want it to be a catalyst of change in the world. We are willing to be used, but we need help. I need help. My fees for the school are $4,000 just for this next 3 months and at the moment I don’t have it. I am trusting God for this provision believing that He can finish what He started. The waves of financial pressure are building all around me, but He knows exactly where I am and He is with me. If you would like to stand with me, there are many ways to do so; please let me know.

Thanks for reading about my journeys and experiences. I pray that you open yourself up to the Amazing Love and Grace that comes only through a loving relationship with Jesus Christ.

In Obedience to Him,

John Paul

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15
May 08

Love is the Stillness

Love is a word that I talk so vigilantly about, but I hardly know anything about it. I have often mentioned that Love is a Movement… To a large degree, I am wrong. It is true that love is a catalyst for change, but before love can move me, I must be loved. Not only must I be loved, but it is absolutely vital that I love God above everything else. I have felt God’s love for me in tremendous ways. I will never forget one of the most vivid times. It was in November of 2006, I was in a remote area of Hawaii and had committed my life to Christ the night before. I made the commitment out of desperation, not knowing what would happen next; I wasn’t expecting to be physically on my face in the presence of God, my heart in a vice unable to grasp or handle the perfect, undivided, and everlasting love of the Father for me. It was a moment that was branded into my mind and soul forever. Since that time, my heart has been rebroken over and over for the lost and hurting people in the world; Congolese experiencing the worst genocide ever, Ethiopian street children starving to death by the thousands, Ugandans ravaged by war and HIV, 127,000 plus residents of Myanmar gone in a matter of hours, and a Western world full of suicidal depression, adultery, and greed. The love of the Father is open to all… can this be?

My mother tells me that when I was young, I would constantly ask her, “Is that true, mom?” to no end. I have this deep desire to know that something is real, tangible, and trustworthy. But as happens so much in everyone’s lives, we experience something that takes away our childlike innocence and grows us up to some of the realities of the world, betrayal, unfaithfulness, and injustice. The same is true in my life. Sometimes the people unknowingly and unwillingly do so to us, but we are betrayed just the same. Often times we feel as if it were God Himself bringing his judgment against us.

There were a few instances in my life that particularly stand out to me. I was in high school, a young freshman punky looking kid with little direction and at the verge of going “off the edge” in terms of rebellion. There was this girl, who had a smile that would attract the attention of the entire room as if no one had known that they were existing in darkness before she walked in. Over the next three years, we got to know each other. She was the first person that I loved. She was an amazing person, full of the joy of the Lord eager to follow Him with everything she had. I wasn’t an amazing person, nor did I have the joy of the Lord, and really didn’t know Him much at all besides this light He had placed in my path… But I messed everything up and I knew it. I was the one who betrayed, who was blind, who was corrupt. For a long time, I tried to save myself in her eyes, persistently apologizing. The summer in between my two years at military school in Missouri, we sat down in our usual spot in McDonald’s under the poster of Terrell Davis, where we had spend so many afternoons over the years. She told me she would write… She left on a mission’s trip to Mexico where the Lord took her home to be with Him.

A long while later, I was attending university at Westmont; she was a sophomore at the same college. We met through a friend, started dating, and fell in love. Over the next three years, I studied hard, graduating a year early so that we could go through with our plans to get married. I asked her to marry me and we were set for a full exciting life… or so we thought. Not long after graduation, the engagement and our relationship were off. I was heartbroken, feeling betrayed not only by her, but by this far off and distant God who said that He cares about people. I questioned who I was, what on earth I was doing, and why me… Out of desperation, I applied to DTS where I encountered the personal Father and Jesus Christ for the first time.

Since then, from reading the Bible, I would pick up on verses that told me to go into the world, love each other, bind up the brokenhearted. There was something romantic about the idea of traveling, being a champion for the poor and needy, showing them that there is a God who loves them. I had skipped the part that Jesus made so perfectly clear… “You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength” (Matthew 22:37). Since I had the dream that I explained in the last blog update, I haven’t felt right. There has been something missing. Over the last week, God has been showing me that there has been so much that I have missed. The past relationships with people close to me have shaped me into someone who doesn’t trust. I project what happened in those relationships onto the people around me as well as onto God. I know in my head that He is perfect, worthy of trust, but my life, doubt, worry, and actions show that my heart is holding back from giving Him everything. His love is better than life itself, He proved in with the death of His Son, Jesus Christ, but here I am striving for His love as if it wasn’t a free gift. I think that what I have been doing for the last two years had aspects of love, but they were also a plead to God that He shouldn’t ever leave me, that perhaps He needed to keep me around for something. How wrong I was. Love is being still and letting the love of Christ empty everything that I am out, the doubt, guilt, disbelief, and worry in order to fully accept His unconditional, life-changing, freedom releasing love to me. I am only realizing that I will never be good enough to deserve His love. But He gives it to me anyway. That is Grace and when we get it, we have no other options but falling to our knees in absolute nothingness before the Perfect Creator, the Author of Salvation, the Name above all other names.

How can I love God? How can I give Him trust? How can I be emptied of selfishness and striving? I can’t. I am absolutely incapable of changing my situation. All I can do is want more of Him. He is the one that can replace this incapable heart and replace it with one able to trust Him able to rest in His perfect, everlasting love. We are all broken. We all need a transformation that supersedes anything we could ever go for ourselves.

I have preached so much about love – yet I was deceived about the best part of it, Grace. I can’t move in love until I know God’s love for me. The response from His love is to love Him – above everything else, bringing nothing to Him, receiving His Grace. His love for me and mine for Him then flows out of me uncontrollably. We crave for others to feel that kind of unconditional, absolutely incomprehensible and mysterious love.

His love is that whisper amidst the whirlwinds and earthquakes of our lives. Love from the Perfect Father is known by being still – listening to His gentle voice that shatters worry and melts fear. He knows me, knows my insufficiencies and sins, but He loves me just the same and is waiting to give up everything, all of my pride, brokenness, and striving, in order to create in me a new heart.

I had a vision of that wonderful day, when I would meet Jesus, God’s tangible love, face to face. I pictures standing in front of Him – when our eyes met for the first time and pierced my soul. The guilt of everything I had ever done piled on my heart in an instant. I couldn’t stand in His perfection. I felt as though I had died, completely ashamed in front of the One who died for my sins. Almost instantly He was lifting me up, taking all of my bur
dens once and for all in the greatest act of forgiveness that the world will ever know. He was inviting me to live with Him forever, in the place that He had been preparing. The place where every tear would be wiped away, every fear released; a place where I could never get away from the unhindered love and presence of God.
What a glorious day that will be.

In constant need for more of Him,
Jp

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18
Apr 08

Traffic Jams, Fish, and some other things

Driving down I-25 or the “Valley Highway” as my dad likes to call it, I always get caught in traffic. For some reason, the Metro Denver Area thought it would be a great idea to fix the whole highway at once and to take 10-15 years doing it. While stuck in traffic, I usually do one of two things; I get angry or go crazy. And when I get angry I am basically going crazy but it includes shaking the car back and forth, not talking to myself which is the “normal” crazy.

In Amsterdam this week, I found myself stuck in a different traffic jam, but the results were pretty much the same, I became a bit angry and I think I went a bit crazy as well. This traffic jam is quite predictable; it is in the center of the city and lasts from around 9pm to around 3 in the morning. The streets are packed not with honking cars, but with broken men and women. The sex industry in Amsterdam brings in over a US Billion Dollars a year. Most of the girls in the Red Light District remain there as if locked in a prison cell, bars of steal and cells of concrete substituted for a door of glass and a red room with a bed. Many are from different parts of Europe or North Africa and were recruited for hotel jobs. When they got to Amsterdam, the glittery promises fall through, their captors flaunt their passports in front of their face; scared and intimidated, they submit to whatever they are required to do. It becomes an issue of Human Trafficking.

Dutch girls are herded in other ways, with the use of “Lover Boys” who drive into the country in their BMW’s and Mercedes, getting to know girls from 13-17. Soon they know everything about the girls even knowing where they live and befriending their parents. They are whisked away to Amsterdam with their rich boyfriends who also promise them luxurious lives, but when they get here they are hit with reality that things are not what they seem. If they try to get out now, they are reminded of who knows where their parents live and where they can be found. Even the women who enter the “profession” on a temporary basis to pay off debt or similar situations find themselves trapped in a system which is next to impossible to get out.
Not only is it sad to see the women behind their invisible bars, the city is filled with broken people searching for something that is real. They come to smoke blunts, indulge in sexual fantasies, and get lost in both. They come because of a void that is pulling them, but the behavior that they are involved in makes sure that they will never fulfill no matter how lost they get. You see the brokenness in their eyes as they dart from girl to girl, you hear it in their congratulatory (and often times drunken) congratulations to their buddy who just came out of the room to make room for the next one in line. It makes me sad, but it makes me think. I am not so different from them. For a long time I searched as they did for something to fill the emptiness that I couldn’t escape from. I tried to lose myself to forget that I had a void; sometimes even to forget that I was…

The thing is, without Jesus, we all are searching for that something. We all need Him to be okay. He is the only one that satisfies our deepest longings as humanity. We can implement programs and projects all over the world; we can put an end to prostitution, AIDS, and even hunger, but the longing will always remain and will manifest itself as selfishness and greed. I was reading a book recently and found a small paragraph that changed my life forever.
“There is an old adage that says, ‘You can give a man a fish or better still you can teach him to fish.’ Jesus would add, ‘You can teach a person how to fish but even the most successful fisherman has a hunger that fish cannot satisfy.’” – Ravi Zacharias in Jesus Among Other Gods

While Jesus was here, He completely transformed the Earth, no one else is like Him. Unlike the champions of other religions, Jesus was not just showing the way, He is the Way. He didn’t only teach His message, He is His Message. Not only did He proclaim truth, He is Truth. He didn’t just offer the Water of Life; He is the Water of life. We are all made to crave relationship with our Creator, which is the emptiness. Jesus is the Way to a restored relationship with the Father.
We are all weak, yes. Even after a revelation of who Jesus is, we still fall sometimes because we are human and will always take our eyes off of perfection. But in our weakness, He is strong. He is able to pick us up again and extend His Amazing Grace and show us again a glimpse of who He really is.

Not only is He strong in our lives when we are weak, He is strong in other people’s lives when we are weak. I think that we have greatly underestimated the power of our testimony in our relationship with Jesus and our interaction with the world. Our testimony is an example of how God was strong in our lives when we were absolutely weak. His strength moving in our weakness can also move in someone else’s weakness as well. Humans relate to the world around them in similar ways; there is nothing new under the sun. Someone who hears my story or your story can relate to you at basic terms. Even someone across the globe will relate to the basics of your humanity and your need for God.

I hope that this encourages you to share your story, invite people to your house, get to know your neighbors and the people you sit next to week after week in church or class. Maybe God wants to use you to bring change to this world. Maybe it is actually Jesus sitting next to you.

Pray for the Prostitutes; for the Broken; for the Downtrodden and Outcast and the condition of the world that they represent. God sees them and loves them dearly. Pray for yourself as well, that you may have courage to be in the world, but not be of it. That you may show people there is a Spring of everlasting water that gives life to even the most dead. The Light of Life is here and so is His Kingdom.

in Christ, the Way
John Paul

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15
Dec 07

Rocked by Tragedy, our Global Family Grieves

Blog entries, emails, and skype calls confirm a deep and dark tragedy that unfolded at the end of last week. In Denver, my home town at the YWAM base, 2 DTS staff were shot and killed on base 2 others injured, then the shooter appeared later at a Colorado Springs Church, New Life, opens fire, and kills two more before being injured by a security guard eventually taking his own life.
What do we say to something like this? Please stop reading now and just think about it… I sit and watch my cursor blinking, waiting for an answer, but I have none.
There are no words that can express the sadness that I feel for the families of all involved. I was speaking with my mother around the time the second shooting occurred, still getting impressions from the first ones late Sunday night (9:30pm was 12:30pm Denver). Then next morning, with more news the track students and staff got together to worship and pray. We stood on the rooftop, the sun shining through the crisp air. We raised our voices to the sky and the warm vapors of our life went with them made visible by the brisk winter around us.

I couldn’t sing, I couldn’t speak… I could only cry. I wept… I wept for Denver, I wept for the United States, I wept for the world, and I wept for the lost. My face grimaced in sorrow as I hid it from the group tears flowing freely. I could feel my heart physically stressed as if someone had its hands around it squeezing the life out of it. I acknowledged this pain, but at the same time heard God whispering, with sadness in His voice, “Now you know a little bit about my heart and what I feel.” I instantly thought of the Cross and the fact that Jesus died from a broken heart. From then on I kept weeping, but something was different. I wept out of grief, yes, but I also wept simply because I was overwhelmed by the Love of the Father for Denver, the United States, and the world.

He wants you to be His child. He died for you so that you could be His. You don’t have to do anything to get His love; He loved you before you were born. You can’t do anything to get His love, it’s free. Just like there is nothing you can do to get God’s love, there is nothing that you can do to get rid of it either; it’s always there, He’s always there. He asks us, those who follow Him to show His love to others, to carry His love to the far-reaching corners of the world no matter what the cost.

Love… is it easy to love? Is it easy to stare into the eyes of an adorable child, so innocent, blameless, and dependent? Is it easy to stare into the eyes of someone who sells children to the international sex-trade? It may be easy to love the innocent, but what about the guilty?

Will we love that way? Will we respond to the call to love? It will take everything that you have. But what is really yours in the first place? Every gift is from God and all that we have in this world will pass away. Love in a way that is inclusive, drastic, and even reckless. Love brought Jesus to earth and to the cross, but it didn’t leave Him there; His resurrection bringing Hope to humanity. Tragedy makes us want to cry out for, “Jesus come soon, don’t wait.” But until he does, we know that there are so many that haven’t experienced his love and know that His heart breaks for them too.

What happened last weekend is a dreadful tragedy and we should weep for our family; the body of Christ. Please keep the families in your prayers as well as the staff and students of the DTS and YWAM base in Denver especially.

In Turkey, we are all pretty sick. We were able to host a Photography Exhibition in the city square and named it “Exposing Beauty”. It was a terrific even and some relationships were made with some people who are open for the Gospel. Praise Him! We are all heading our different directions this coming week for Christmas break. Pray that we will all be well and that our travels will be blessed as well as the two weeks we are apart.


I included some of my needs on the right hand column. It is great being here, but there is a cost that comes with it.
I want to thank my monthly supporters for their obedience to God. This is a team effort and as much their heart as it is mine. I honestly wouldn’t be here if they hadn’t responded to His call and vision for His world. It is a beautiful partnership that God has put together. I honor you for your faithfulness.