I hope I can

Over the last few weeks I have really been asking myself if it was reasonable to go to Africa this summer or not. I tried to make it out last summer, but I couldn’t. This summer, I want to go, but I already feel the financial pressure of being able to raise the money to get out there. It would be so much easier for my schedule and wallet to look into other options. I know that there is a lot of work that could be done here to help a lot of organizations out, but my heart is constantly reminding me of smiles on young faces in the places that I have been before. I feel like God has so much for me to do for those children that I feel sad when I cannot be with them, taking care of them, playing soccer with them, comforting them in the storms, or telling them that they are worth more than what the world whispers to them in the darkest nights.

I asked if it was possible to have a backup plan. A harness, a net, a chute. Something to fall back on if I couldn’t make it back. Honestly, I don’t want one. I would love to hope without doubt. I would love for my mind to run free with plans of what I could do with the time that I would have in the land far away. I hope beyond to the impact that it would make. I think further to the type of man I want to be, to what God has for me, to what he has for the world. Does this all play in? Does this moment, this field experience, this research question have an impact? Would I miss something if I were to stay and find something else?

I want to go. I want it to be possible. It might not be reasonable, but it’s something that I can stand in faith for. It’s something to work towards, something to hope for. I don’t even want to ask about what would happen if it doesn’t work out because I don’t want to let myself think that this won’t happen. So I won’t. There is nothing I would rather do than to spend a month in Africa, renewing relationships with orphan care centers, investigating trends, offering myself and the gifts God has given me, and the mission that He has placed in my heart concerning the welfare of these children. What else could I do?