Back in Denver as of 10:30pm Labor Day, I am exhausted. The last 6 weeks has been amazing, and I have seen so much. Much of what God is doing in the hearts and minds of Christians across the country, and much of what he is doing in my own heart and mind.
The last benefit show is this Friday Night here in Littleton. Check out http://matt28.com/notalone for more information on that, like directions and what-have-you. When that show is over, I will be able to give an accurate update as to how much was raised for the orphans, and more of the miraculous that God did and will continue to do.
For now. I am tired. Honestly, I am tired of doing the show. I know thats not necessarily the right attitude, but let me explain. Somewhere along the way, I can’t really remember where it was, I stopped relying on God to be my strength and His provision for the show. I lost sight of His ownership and His goals and dreams for it. It was His vision that he shared with me all the way back in Uganda. I was selfish and proud of the Tour and it led to a burn-out from it. It is too big for me to think that I have any kind of control over it, yet I tried to take it anyway.
So, that is what I have been dealing with lately, and I share it with you for more than one purpose. The first is to share my struggles with you because I know that there is so much that I need to learn in this walk. I haven’t arrived at the proverbial “there”, or have all of the answers for how to live. I still have to learn daily to put my flesh to death and walk through the power of the Spirit within me. Sometimes its harder than others. Instead of hiding it, like everything is okay, I thought that I would experiment to see what happens when my struggles are exposed.
Since there is some identification of what is happening in my heart, I can (and am trying to) take steps to correct it, to get a sense of God’s passion for those He loves (which is everyone!), to realign my life with His will and word, and to get insight and guidance from those around me.
The other reason that I share is because I am not sure I am alone in my control issue. I may be wrong, but I think that it is part of who we are as humans to desire to be in control of our lives and the world around us. Its one of those things that we say we don’t want to be a part of, but if we take a closer look at our lives, we do see that we cling to control. I have done it my whole life and I don’t want to do it anymore. I want to be used by God as an instrument for His will, despite myself. It kind of goes along with the cliche saying that I am my own worst enemy. I am the one that stands in the way of being completely open for God to use… It all comes down to surrender, and when you give your life to Christ, surrender is mandatory.
What kinds of things are you holding on and not giving over to Him? It makes sense to give it to Him because He is the one that cares (1 Peter 5:7). And, after all… He is only the creator and sustainer of the universe… (written with sarcastic undertones)
So thats not really the direction that I saw this entry taking, but thats the way it goes sometimes.
Love and Blessings from Him!
John Paul
Tags: christian living, christianity, God, Jesus Christ, love, missions, surrender
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It is the challenge of humanity through all the ages to NOT take back from God our dependance upon Him. Evidenced repeatedly by the plight of the Isrealites as they model for the world how easily we withdraw our reliance and begin to depend on ourselves. This always leads to repentance and provides for the fertile soil of a heart ready to rely upon the loving grace of God. The trick is to recognize this happening early and turn quickly through repentance. It is up to us how long we wait to see it, and how large the correction required to make us turn back to Him.
You are wise beyond your years to see this and even wiser to repent publically. (don’t let that go to your head. You remind me to also eveluate my life and ask if there are any areas in me which I hold apart from God.
Thanks,
Scott
I like hearing your insights…I also like seeing that you posted this blog at 420.